First Time It was Published: HULING SIGAW

Day 24 of the #NaNoPoblano2021 challenge, now a.k.a. “NaDePoblano” (heee….) . Major Theme: “A Few of My Earliest Things”. New sub-theme: “First Published”. Related post: My Evolution as a Writer. Related page: Poetry Nook.

This is the first time I am sharing the poem here. However, the FIRST TIME IT WAS PUBLISHED was, of all things, in the official publication of the tertiary school I worked for. I don’t remember to whom I submitted it, but I know I asked if I could share a poem. The truth was I was not sure of my choice. I don’t remember why I chose it among all my poems. I think it was because it had not been published anywhere yet. My worry was the sensitive topic of the poem.

This is HULING SIGAW or LAST CRY (“cry” here means scream). If anyone tries to understand it enough, this person will realize it is related to suicide. Related, but not about the act of committing suicide itself. I was referring to the act of writing the suicide note, one’s final goodbye, her feelings of hopelessness and personal grief…I was worried because the publication was to be distributed to the staff, faculty and alumni. I didn’t want them to think that sharing it was my own cry for help.

I was not suicidal when I wrote it. In fact, on the contrary. I was SMILING when I wrote it. I don’t remember what inspired me to do so. But I remember my excitement when I was creating it. Let me make it clear, though. I was/am NOT advocating suicide, I was/am NOT suicidal. I guess it’s similar to a screenwriter who gets inspired writing a horror movie. He doesn’t necessarily like horrific things. See the point?

Anyway, I’m glad I pushed through with it. It made me proud because Mrs. Consolacion P. Sauco, the Filipino Department Head, loved it! She told me so when she saw me. I was so happy because she happened to be a well-respected author who’s an expert in the Filipino language. I can’t find an actual biography of hers, but Googling her shows the various stuff she wrote or translated. For her to give me praise for what I wrote was really something!

For anyone who understands Filipino, here it is. I have been trying to translate it in English for years but I never get to finish because I never get satisfied. I promise to share the English version once I actually translate it completely….By the way, to be more specific, I was the Public Relations and Advertising Assistant. They most times never got that right.

Two-in-One Firsts: SA AKING PAGLISAN

Busy days!!! I’m going to have to post several times here to finish the challenge before the new year starts!

Day 23 of the #NaNoPoblano2021 challenge, now a.k.a. “NaDePoblano” (heee….) . Major Theme: “A Few of My Earliest Things”. New sub-theme: “First Published”. Related post: My Evolution as a Writer. Related page: Poetry Nook.

Here’s the background: A friend’s brother was failing his Filipino subject. He was asked to make up for it. I’m not sure if it was the teacher’s idea, or my friend’s, or mine. But I helped create a special newsletter that he was to submit. Since I had creative control over it, I decided there ought to be a poetry section. Self-serving, of course, ha ha!

The thing was, the newsletter was in Filipino and I didn’t have a short-enough Filipino poem that had not been published anywhere. Therefore, I decided to complete the translation of a poem that I had been trying to do. The poem below was the product.  This was the FIRST TIME I TRANSLATED a poem, which happened to be mine. And tt was probably only the three of us and the teacher who saw the newsletter. So this is technically the FIRST TIME I AM PUBLISHING THIS.

The good thing is I don’t have to translate this for you. This is the Tagalog version of WHEN I’M GONE, which I already shared here.

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“WHEN I’M GONE”

Day 3 for #NaNoPoblano2021. Major Theme: “A Few of My Earliest Things”. Sub-theme: “10 of My Earliest Poems”

Today, I am re-sharing a poem. An ode, actually (it has a melody). This first came out as part of my post, Ode Things, which I did for another popular writing challenge. I can’t help but re-share the poem since this was an important part of my poem-writing history. For more recent samples, please visit the POETRY NOOK.

I have always been a sentimental soul, so it is no wonder I made this sentimental ode. It was actually inspired by quotes from Michael Landon and Michael Mills.

Necessary Changes #MondayMemoirs

Some memories may not be that pretty, but they improve you, make you strong, and sometimes let you achieve your goals. Like this one (just click on it, a new tab will open that will redirect to my other blog — read it better, if you’d like):

resignation-letter

I was told by some back then that they actually liked what I wrote and could they copy it? LOL!!!

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Have you ever written a well-explained resignation letter? Can we get a peek?

By the way, DISCLAIMER: Just sharing, NOT implying anything! Do not read between the lines, there’s none, HA HA HAAAA!!!!!

Farewell to the Girl with the Smiley Heart

“Hi, my dearest friend. Will undergo my 3rd open heart surgery tomorrow 7 am here, 8 pm there on Tuesday feb 5. Please pray for me, para maka-bakasyon pa ako d’yan at makapag-starbucks tayo.” (Please pray for me, so that I can still go on a vacation there and we can meet up at Starbucks“Love you and miss you my dear!”

My friend Betchico

One of my dearest, best friends, Beth Garachico-Shockey, who lived a colorful, somewhat tumultuous, but fulfilling life. Image Copyright © Jerry Shockey

That was her last message for me. She is coming home for good. But we’ll never meet up at Starbucks and I’ll never have the chance to see her ever again. She with the beauty queen looks and a wonderful smile.

It was a shock the other day to find out that one of my best friends, Beth, has finally left us, never to return. I felt so bad that I never even got to see her last year for the last time when she went home here. Her health did not permit her.

Beth was one of the first people I met at my first job. She was a student then and I was a new graduate applying for a job at her tertiary school. Our first encounter was when I took the psychological test prior to employment. A volunteer student at the Guidance Counseling Office, it was her who handed me the questionnaires and timed my exam. I thought she was very skinny then. I got acquainted with her next at the President’s Office, where I already worked under the Planning Office after some months. That was after she had graduated (turned out she was just one, two years younger, according to her, unless she was pulling my leg for years). Not sure now if she was under the Human Resources Department or there were just some stuff for another department that she had to work on at the office. The last job that I remember her holding at the school was at the Student Affairs Office.

Beth enjoying at the beach

Cool inside and out. Image Copyright © Jerry Shockey

Beth (Betchay to many, Betchico to me) and I became friends. It was when she transferred to our boarding house and became our roommate that we became very close. I came to know why she was skinny and why she had a long scar at the center of her chest. Beth had had a heart ailment since she was a kid that required operation several times already. She always had to watch what she ate ever since she could remember or it could be detrimental to her health.

I came to know about her life more as she was not much of the secretive type. There was a time when I joined a writing-for-film workshop and I asked to be allowed to use her life story. Anonymously, of course. She agreed to an interview. What I found was someone’s real-life story that was full of twists and turns. No one would’ve believed they could have happened to just one person, but they did. So I understood more how such a frail, skinny girl could grow as tough as nails.

Oh, she was tough. Very kind, very nice, very thoughtful, but tough as tough could be when the situation called for it. She would never shout in anger, but she had a way with words that could really hit home. Not that she was mean. But don’t push her to the limit or you’d better be sure you could back up whatever you said with credible arguments. Besides, it could never hit home unless you, yourself, feared it was true in the first place.

I once arrived at the boarding house and she told me of the argument she had at the stairs earlier with our very aggressive, aspiring lawyer-roommate. Lately, this roommate was becoming meaner and meaner, for some reason, to the whole room, especially to Beth. I don’t remember the exact reason for the argument, just that the girl was raising her voice again. Meanwhile, Beth kept calm and smiling. After a while, she laughed mockingly!

She told the other, “Ha, ha. Like you’re going to be a lawyer.”

The girl was taken aback, asking, “What? You don’t think I can be a lawyer?”

“You? NO.”

Bull’s eye! This proved to be a very sore spot for the law student. The girl went up the stairs and into our room looking just about ready to cry. That was Beth’s Psychology background working. She knew how to hit the mark.

After hearing that, I told her, “Wow, you’re scary! If ever you’ll get mad at me, tell me already, okay? So I won’t have to go through that!” Imagine hearing that from someone like me whose temper at the time was much more notorious (then, alright?).

She never did get mad at me and I never tried to test her patience. We would’ve lost our friendship, just like her friendship with someone who shouted at her. He got mad over something so petty and gave her the F-word. That ONE time and she never talked to him ever again, no matter how much he apologized.

Regardless of our opinion on that, that proved one thing: you never walked on Beth and got away from it smiling.

If anything, she could be the most loyal of friends. She became my champion. She told people who assumed I was probably a difficult roommate, “Not true. That’s just because you don’t know the real Gi.” And it’s true, they didn’t. Beth was one of the few who sincerely took the time to get to know me. She was easily my number 1 fan! She loved my stories and believed so much in me and my writing.

In later years, there were wrong decisions made by her. There were times she left without saying goodbye, perhaps to find herself, and I had to tell her when we got together, “Do you know how worried you’ve made me? We didn’t know where you were or how to contact you to, at least, know you’re okay, knowing your heart condition. Don’t do that ever again. You’ll give me a heart attack!” Well, she was human, and she got over everything by sheer courage.

Beth's First Place trophy

Beth bagged First Place in the 2011 International Speech Contest (District 38 Area 4) with her speech about her “smiley” scar and what it meant to her. I wish I could share with you what she wrote, but sigh, I have no copy and have never read it as well…Image Copyright © Jerry Shockey

She could be quite persevering. She never stopped until she finally got her Master’s Degree last year. She went back home for that. I thought she abandoned that dream long ago. If that wasn’t achievement enough, she became a part of the Toastmasters International in the States. Beth won in her speeches especially about the scar that looked like a smiley on her chest. Later on, Beth was hailed President of the Mainland FAA Toastmasters Club.

I truly admired her for being her. So proud to be her friend!

More than a year ago, she told me she wanted to create a foundation for underprivileged kids in the Philippines with the same heart condition as hers. We shared a common dream, somehow, and I had a bit of background, having worked for a child-welfare NGO before. I have yet to find our exchanges that mentioned the name she planned to give it. Naturally, she wanted me to be a part of it. I told her how hard building a foundation was going to be, especially the requirements. She still considered it nonetheless. Unfortunately, it was one achievement she could not have.

She also wanted to write her life story, encouraged by her Toastmasters friends. They suggested for Beth to write a book. “About my life experiences,” she explained, “about how blessed I am that I’m still here.” It was supposed to be in English, though, so who best to ask for help? Me, “Ba-gie” (pronounced buh-ji, one of her then-new terms of endearment for me). I was so looking forward to that.  Sadly, it was simply not meant to be.

Those dreams left undone, I do not believe that Betchico really actually left unfulfilled. She went away happy. In one private message consoling me about my father’s death, she said that she, too, had been already waiting for “that” time to come since she was a kid. It just wasn’t her time yet. I think that we can be consoled by the fact that Beth was ready to meet her Maker.

Let me share one more (partly translated) quote from her:

“Before, I could not appreciate the reason for my going through so many pains and struggles in life…but now, I’m thankful I went through all those things and I am not afraid to go through more…I’ve learned a lot, I’ve met so many people, I’ve met my soulmate, and I’ve met friends like you…”

Beth, I lost another loved one in you, but I know I gained another angel. Thank you so much for your friendship. Rest in peace, Betchico. I will always remember you with fond memories. You’ll continue to be an inspiration to all of us whom you’ve touched with your smiley heart. We’ll see you there 😀

Beth and her achievements

She was featured as one of the Women of Atlantic City in the July/August 2011 edition of the Atlantic County Woman publication. Of course, copyright is theirs

Lovely Beth

Beautiful Beth had one of the loveliest hearts. Image Copyright©Jerry Shockey