#AskGi No. 2: “Should I forgive my wife of one month; she hit me with a bhangra stick,…” #AskWednesday

On a whim, I decided to check on my Twitter again a few days back and somehow, Damyanti Biswas (@damyantig) reminded me of Quora. So for today, I decided to add another Ask Gi post. I wasn’t really asked this one, but it honestly annoyed me so I decided to give the OP (meaning Original Poster in Quora world) a piece of what I thought. My written answer was honestly the cleaner version of what I was really saying to him in my mind. Seems like others felt the same way.

Here it is. Read on then share your thoughts in the comments, if you will. Click on the image if you want to see what everybody else was saying.

#AskGi No.1: “How do I tell my boyfriend I don’t find him attractive?…” #ThursdayTips

Welcome to my new…what do you call it…? Never mind. Welcome to Ask Gi!!! What is it? It’s stuff I get asked. Not personal, though maybe based on experience, but opinions and/or suggestions. Mainly, about LIFE!!! So I thought I’d share the more interesting or helpful ones to you. I’ve already created a page for #AskGi Column (check the menu).

I’ve been told several times I give good advice. So if you’re not shy about it, feel free to ask me something, too. Send your questions to j.gi.federizo@gmail.com, subject: “Ask Gi”. I will respect your privacy. Let me know if (1) you want things published or not, and if yes, (2) what real or code name we should call you by.

So here’s our first question. Comment below for your own reactions 🙂

March 2017 RECAP #MonthlyRecap

I missed doing my March 2017 recap. To be honest, it feels so long ago now that I can’t even remember the stuff I wrote about. My revisiting the posts now will take me back, definitely. From what I know, I was really hyped up for the then-upcoming A to Z Challenge. I hardly really checked out Facebook even.

Here’s a recap of my March 2017:

Blog-wise:

(1) Hash potatoes!!!

#MondayMemoirs (none)

#MondayReviews (none)

#TuesdayTunes (see Wishes and Songs Part 1)

#TVTuesday (none)

#AskWednesday (see “As writers, have you ever had ideas only to find out later that others beat you to them? What were they?”)

#WhatsupWednesday (see The Guy Google)

#ThursdayTips (none)

#FeatureFriday (see The BRF and New Society with its New Technologies)

#FridayFlashdance (none)

#AnythingDay (see JAMIE PART 4: DEAR JAMIEThe A-to-Z Challenge theme Reveal 2017 and JAMIE PART 5: JAMIE AND THE GOSSIP BOYS)  –  Any day could be about anything.

Judging from my results, I was semi-active, which was better than hardly active or, worse, inactive. I was gearing up for April anyway.

(3) My Trending Stories. I still put it off because of certain hindrances, but I decided to finally restart it sometime in May (which is NOW).

(4) A to Z ChallengeWait till I’m done.

Social Media Reach-out:

 

I’m getting followers slowly but steadily, at least. I don’t really expect to get many, I’m just surprised there are those who decide to FOLLOW me on Facebook (even Twitter, which still confuses me at times) when they don’t really know me personally. It’s so nice to get followers who think that what I post are interesting enough.

A few months back, I started sending thank-you messages to FB followers. Unfortunately, it could be so time-consuming that I had to stop. What I normally do when I have the time is to visit bloggers who decide to follow my blog. I get email notifications everytime, so I just filter to see followers and go from there.

I’ve been somehow more active than I’ve ever been on Twitter (just a tad more). And, oh, I should give special shout-outs to both Annette (@YouAreTheExpert) and Debbie (@DebbieDogLady). Whenever I post anything here, it gets posted on their Twitter pages. That’s free promotion for me through RSS Feed-ing. Thank you, ladies 🙂

Fiction/Story- and Poetry-writing:

Restarted being a bit more active. See, I posted two Jamie Tales shorts (see #AnythingDay).

Literature:

No book-reading happened whatsoever. I am so ashamed.

Personal:

  • I have become a Wish 107.5 FM fanatic, ergo, my #TuesdayTunes post. It honestly helped me overcome a sort of tough time then. Music is great therapy.
  • I have become an active Quora adviser, but I am very curious why 98% of questions I am asked has to do with handling relationships. I suddenly feel like a relationship guru. But I suppose, the key is to put myself in their shoes.
  • I declared self-imposed hiatus on Facebook and was away for more than two weeks, I think. It was due to a mix of avoiding things/people that make me feel a bit depressed and trying to write more.

 

Your thoughts? 😉

Advice for the Supposed Lovelorn #ThursdayTips

Valentine’s largely become an occasion for married couples, those in a relationship (even if “It’s complicated” and all those other tags), or people simply in the courtship stage. And this has pretty much resulted in singles being shoved aside, figuratively speaking, but sometimes rudely just the same. The worse part is, oftentimes, it’s the singles who belittle themselves and feel unworthy.

This should not be so. It’s the season of LOVE!!!!! Love is everywhere of every day. Love is for everyone! And unless you’re an evil overlord or such,…

YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE

Stop hating on Valentine, it’s not his fault. Don’t be a killjoy just because you think Valentine’s is not for you. Perhaps it’s simply not the right time, or s/he’s not the right person, or there are just greater things in store for you. Stop sulking and keep living.

I remember this incident when two younger and prettier girls concluded that I was depressed due to a lack of romantic relationship. It was the only proof they had. In other words, singles like us (or like I was then, and they were, for that matter) were diagnosed as depressed just by knowing our pitiful status.

I never really felt depressed about the lack of significant other. I hope that if you are singles right now, you don’t either. Let me share with you the things I learned along the way (taken from my SPINSTERVILLE piece). Take these as words of wisdom from a former supposed lovelorn:

Being single is not something to be ashamed of. It is not a sin. Where in the world has that ever been written? Spinsterville is not The End of the World. More like a State of Mind. The end of the world is only for those who cannot get pass beyond what their eyes can see. They do not care that the world is round and to see it from different perspectives. They do not care to look at what is really beyond the horizon, afraid that they just might find themselves and not like what they’ll see.

Singlehood is not merely a choice you make, but the only one given you at the particular moment. Should the opportunity presents itself, however, you still have the right to not accept Choice B. Maybe not that soon, maybe never.

Love is not something you simply buy from the store wherein you go to a rack, pick one item up, then pay for it at the counter. If this is how it’s done, then you just might pay dearly…It’s about making the right choice. It’s about choosing what makes you happier, not what makes them happier.

Why hurry and jump into the frying pan just to avoid singlehood? Sometimes, you get more than you bargained for. Many times, people get into it at the first sign of false hope, only to get burned and live the rest of their lives trying to lick the wounds…In our hurry, we pick the closest fruit nearby and think that that will do. Later, we discover the worm that has been hidden all along. By then, it’s too late. What a rotten deal we put ourselves into.

Don’t join the bandwagon just so you won’t be left behind. A wedding does not assure you of a happy marriage. It is simply a declaration of the commitment you make, that you will try to achieve the happiness you crave for in the relationship.

It does not assure you of children, either, if that is your primary goal. Don’t treat your spouse like a thing that you can use for your own selfish purposes.

A soul mate is not necessarily the one you marry. S/he could be your best friend in the form of a companion, parent, child, someone of the same sex…I can go on and on. A soul mate is someone who understands you fully yet helps you become a better person and lets you return the favor. A kindred spirit, so to speak.

Do you realize that statistically, there is an uneven distribution of the sexes in the world? There are, in fact, less men than women. Let us also not forget about gender preferences…I only know that somehow, some way, the balance is tilted and that’s reality. They will not change just because you say so. We all have to look at the small details to see the bigger picture.

Singles should not think they are the only singles in the world and that they have failed in fulfilling their life’s mission. Was Jesus ever married? No. Did Mother Theresa marry? No…This just goes to show that you don’t have to be married to achieve whatever it is you are meant to achieve.

“You are all that you need.” I think, to have someone is really just icing on the cake. The cake itself is already whole, delicious and edible, its foundations already built. The icing and all others are just treats that may be enjoyed and add color. But they are not necessary. We just want them to decorate the cake, like we want them to decorate our lives.

I think singles and non-singles are both victims of society and its twisted notion of what is supposed to be right or wrong. This thinking dates back from time immemorial. It’s so much so that even when they feel happy, doubt often creeps in to kill that happiness, simply because they are not what they are not. 

So you think you are alone and has no one at all? Then, it is worse than loving blindly. I call it living blindly. Open your eyes, look around! You can never be alone unless you will it. What do they say? That “no man is an island”. Realize that many people need you.

The heart is the biggest and strongest muscle after all. It can accommodate as many as you want if you let it. Marriage is not a requirement in life. It should not be a must to be considered normal and a part of society. It is definitely not a ticket to hand over to enter the gates of Heaven.

 

Do you guys agree yet? If yes, can I give you a few more tips? These are from an interview Dr. Eamer did with me about being one of those in the NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) crowd. In Part 2 of that interview, he asked for me to give a message to NBSBs (start reading that as a noun). Here they are below, translated wholly in English. I believe they are meant for all singles, not NBSBs alone…

TIPS WHILE YOU WAIT (OR NOT)

One, don’t wait. Don’t waste your time waiting. Don’t lose hope, yes, but do not make it your life-long goal or else, you might get more depressed. It will happen if it will happen. If it does not, at least find a way to be happy nevertheless. You owe it to yourself. Maybe do something that will benefit others.

Two, others can eat their opinions. If you’re just thinking of what others say or think of your situation, shove it. Are you getting into a relationship just so you can shut people up from meddling in your single life? Who do you think will suffer in times of trouble, them?

Three, don’t be desperate. Don’t settle for two-timers who are all-too willing to treat you as a fling or mistress. Where’s the dignity there? I think that would be even worse and humiliating than being an NBSB for Life.

Four, if you’re NBSB or single, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you and that you’re incomplete. We just have different circumstances. You’re already complete, as an individual–people are just icing on the cake, there to add flavor into your life.

Five, be careful what you wish for.

So singles, stop trying to conform to others’ standards so that they can mold you into their likeness. Stop explaining yourself and coming up with possible reasons on why you’re still uncommitted when you’re not even sure of them yourself. Stop being defensive and picking we’re-better-than-you fights–online or otherwise–with non-singles.

Most of all, stop apologizing!

YOU ARE SINGLE BECAUSE

YOU JUST ARE.

Alright, this is my key takeaway:

“When I finally meet my Creator, He will not be looking for the ring on my finger; He will not measure my worth by how many kids I’ve brought to the world; and He will not condemn me for not saying “I do.” Instead, He will ask how I lived my life regardless of a ring; He will measure me by how many kids I’ve helped bring up as good persons; and He will ask me what I did for others unselfishly. I will not face him as a single or a married person. I will stand before my Creator as an individual. That’s what really counts.”

 

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Agree or disagree? Let us know below.

If I ever offended anybody with this, kindly let me know. It’s not any of my intentions to do so.

Office Blogmates #atozchallenge2014

Honestly, it took me this long to post something because for my idea, I couldn’t find two audio files that I was supposedly going to share. Well, seeing that I’m way past schedule, I thought I’d post something to do about OFFICE instead.

It was really my original theme, but I couldn’t decide what to write about it exactly. I now realize that since we’re all about blogging anyway, I think I should introduce to you past and present officemates who also actively blog and whom I follow. I also realize this is a way better idea. Why didn’t I think about that before?

So folks, here are my office blogmates, from my first “offices” to my current one. Let’s start with…

JONAS DIEGO

Technically, Jonas Diego and I were officemates, having worked together for a college radio station, which was technically not an office, but anyhoo. He maintains JonasDiego.com, naturally, and its spawns, TheBlurb, which is a webcomic, and I Want Work, which is an online classified ads blog over at Blogspot.

“Jonas, …also continues to participate in events and activities which push his advocacy of a thriving, vibrant, and sustainable Philippines Comic Book Industry.” I used to say he was one of those responsible for the birth of the Philippine comics convention dubbed Komikon, but was just recently corrected. I do think that he also had a lot to do with promoting the local comics industry these past years, so I still say, good job, Raven! (He probably hates it now when he’s called this, but I’m just so used to it!)

jonas-diego

JonasDiego.com

the-blurb-webcomics

The Blurb Webcomics

i-want-work

I Want Work!

THE PROFESSIONAL HECKLER

As far as I can remember, Loi Landicho a.k.a. The Professional Heckler really had been quite the funnyman and a heckler even before the fame. He was a classmate and I got to work with him in the school paper (that’s technically an office, too, since it did have one). So you know, he’s no stranger to writing and politics. He’s a trivia-freak, too, and I guess that comes with the territory.

Witty Loi, or his more famous monicker, Professional Heckler, is now a multi-awarded political humorist-blogger. He quotes Henry Cate VII: “The problem with political jokes is they get elected.” True, that.

professional-heckler

The Professional Heckler

TONYO CRUZ

tonyo-cruz

TonyoCruz.com

Another one from the school paper. I also knew Tonyo Cruz as witty and a good writer-journalist. I remember Editorial meetings and he would be one of those very animatedly discussing topics and fervently debating. I’ve only recently discovered his blog because I’ve also only reconnected with him.

That aside, I have known and heard from the grapevine that Tonyo has stayed quite active as a political — uh — activist (it’s not redundant, is it?). Looks like he hasn’t shown any signs of stopping. Right now, he writes for a column in one of the big national dailies. His blog, TonyoCruz.com also has its share of awards.

FRANCES BELDIA

frances-beldia

Cure4Mondays

Technically, we were not officemates. In a sense, we had a non-working relationship. You see, I was already out of the magazine I worked for when she joined the publication. I got to know her because they still needed information from me and I got to visit them. To make the long story short, here we are, blogmates.

Frances Beldia calls her blog Cure4Mondays, “a mom blog on homeschooling, kids and family activities, events, reviews on books, movies, products, life in Manila and the rewards and stresses that come with it.” She hasn’t been that much active lately, but I find her blog to be a nice read.

ANDOYMAN KOMIKERO

The office was really where I met this guy. We were not exactly talking much until the topic of comic books (his forte) and, later on, of forensic science (my interest) came up. That was when Andy Edoria really began his career in the comics industry as Andoyman Komikero. He has since also begun to carve his own niche in the industry and it seems things are going the positive route.

andoyman-komikero

Andoyman Komikero

Andy already has several comics to his name, the series titled Ang Sumpa, in particular. He has also drawn for others, most notably for the elusive Bob Ong, whom he has communicated with only online and unfortunately hasn’t even met in person.

MEIKAH DELID

Until last month, she was an officemate, our Operations Manager, in fact. Our OM had been the most active blogger, if not the only one, save from myself. Every time she logged into YM to which we were all connected, she imparted words of wisdom by posting relevant quotes as her status messages.

Miss Meikah, more endearingly known as Miss Meiks, imparts more wisdom through her blog Mama is Working. “This blog chronicles my daily parenting challenges and triumphs. I will be talking mostly about the lessons I am learning about parenting, motherhood, womanhood, keeping a home and pursuing a career,” she says.

meikah-delid

Mama is Working

[IMPORTANT NOTE: I have un-linked from Mama is Working. Miss Meiks can now be found and followed at Mom in Midlife.]

JANE C.

This is my youngest blogmate. Fresh out of college, Jane C. is not exactly a neophyte when it comes to blogging, having maintained several blogs before deciding to keep her WordPress one called Etcetera. Basically, she says it’s for random stuff, but if I am to summarize it, it’s a blog for travels with friends, retro music, fun runs and baking experiments (that me and our officemates often get to taste-test). She’s done some fiction in WattPad, too.

jane-etcetera

Etcetera

 

meeka-and-lexy

The Meeka and Lexy Project

Jane also isn’t that new in writing, having written for a magazine (not the one I worked for) during and post-internship. Plus, while not currently updated, she has maintained with a friend another blog that has “Three missions: grab every grub in town, sweat ’em out, and type ’em all down” — The Meeka and Lexy Project.

(Oh and she’s part of the A-to-Z Challenge so you might want to check her blog out as well)

MADMA

I only got to work with Marvin Salazar for a short period of time. I was new at work and he was about to go. He was really quiet, poised and contemplative. The most times we really spoke was whenever I shared Fita biscuits with him as his station was next to mine. So imagine my surprise and confusion to find that this person who soon somehow made a name in the blogworld as Madma and Marvin the Quiet were one and the same!

madma-blog

Yours Truly, Madma

He owns the blog Yours Truly, Madma where he dishes out socio-political commentaries, gives sensible if not somewhat naughty advice particularly on sexuality, and shares other fun, funny and more naughty stuff. The language may not be to your liking but that’s how he is. Madma’s blog gained quite a following when, well I don’t know how it all started exactly, but he ended up holding an online fashion modeling contest where anyone could join and others could comment and vote for which photos they deemed best and most appropriate for the week’s theme. That was a blast!

 

And that, my friends, are my office blogmates. I hope you give their blogs a visit to see for yourselves why I follow them. 🙂

 

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Did you like checking out their blogs? Then feel free to LIKE this page and theirs 😀 There is another person I was thinking of including in the list but I am not sure if it’s okay with her. Will update once I get her go signal.

This post is for the…

a-to-z-challenge

How to Solve Conflicts

solving-conflictsI am not the most patient person around. My bad temper has considerably lessened. But when something, or someone, suddenly pulls my trigger, man, do I erupt! Now, I am far from being proud about this. I know that more than the other person’s, it is my own fault because I let him/her and the situation get to me. It really all boils down to communication to avoid conflicts.

Having good communication skills does not only mean getting your message across successfully. Think first before you shoot. This just might save your relationships. Familiarity does not necessarily breed contempt, however, we tend to take the people around us for granted and we become so careless with our words and actions. Thus, the conflicts, anger, word wars, sometimes cold wars. What drama. I’ve narrowed down some cautionary methods for you to try and avoid further conflicts.

1. “DEAL WITH THE NOW” Do not dredge up the past. When we’re mad, we oftentimes refer back to the other’s past mistakes that may even be unrelated to the new problem. That is the real delay and drains up energy. Concentrate on both your feelings and how to fix the problem. Stick with the current issue.

2. “LEND YOUR EARS MORE” Communication is a two-way traffic . Give him the chance to explain and try to understand where he’s coming from. So listen, do not just hear. You’ll have your own opportunity to explain as well. There is always more than one point of view in every story. Try not to emphasize on blame but rather, focus on finding a solution. It’s not a contest.

3. “ACCEPT C/SC” That’s Criticism/Self-Criticism. In a disagreement, there’s bound to be criticism aimed at you by the other party. Just accept and keep calm for you’ll have the chance to speak, as mentioned above. Try to gauge how much of what he says may be true about you. Self-criticize. You might be surprised to find you could be in the wrong.

4. “OWN UP” Once you find you are in the wrong, don’t be afraid to apologize.

Communication is always the key to a more peaceful living. 🙂