#ThrowbackTwenty15 #atozchallenge2015

First, let me greet you a…

I know we’re so in the second month already of the non-Chinese calendar year, but hey, it is just a few days after the Chinese New Year  🙂 I hope 2016 is treating you all well, so far, better than 2015 did, regardless of whether it was already a great 2015. We always have room for greater things, don’t we? 😉

2015 for me was…for lack of a better term, weird. Weird in the sense that there were stuff that really made it great, and there were parts that made it worse. The good thing is it wasn’t worse than my 2013: The Depression Era. 2015 was a year of highs and lows, gains and losses.

Let’s see…

Last year started great — I got hitched! Yeah, it wasn’t at church, and it was pretty inexpensive and all, and there were several glitches along the way, but it was the happiest day of my life! You couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. Five more years, or at least, sometime in the future, we’ll probably tie the knot in church this time.

One year after, I gotta say it hasn’t been all-smooth sailing, in fact, it’s been more rough than smooth so far, but I have never, for a second, ever regretted my decision to stick with him through thick and thin. And I don’t think he has either. He’s been very sweet and loving and understanding of all my mood swings and shortcomings…And I just checked his Facebook message for me just now after typing what I just said and I am teary-eyed, and that’s a good thing 🙂 You should see our daily text messages, it’s like we’re still singles in a relationship 😉

Well, January 2015 also brought in something wonderful in our lives. We conceived and we didn’t even know until the second month…Sadly, we didn’t meet her after nine months — she had to leave us in March. I’d like to think it was a she, but really, it didn’t matter, it wouldn’t, if only our Jamie survived.

Can you imagine feeling elated after finding out you’re having a baby, then learning after a week that s/he doesn’t seem to have a heartbeat anymore? Can you imagine the additional stress of waiting after another week to check if the findings are the same and then they are? Now imagine going for a second opinion, getting yet another ultrasound test and still, no heartbeat… (Death, Denial, Depression)

The miscarriage brought in more problems financially-wise. If not for the good people who helped us and are still helping us, my friends and my officemates in particular, there would have been more problems. We are very grateful to them to the nth level.

My medicines did make it tougher to save anything. I had to take this and that to recover. I wasn’t the type to just pop in a pill for anything bothering me so this was kind of a lifestyle change of sort. But while on my two-month recovery, I still got sick at one time, had to visit another OB for that, then got to visit a cardiologist for possible hypertension. That meant more meds.

To make my “vacation” more interesting, for the first time in my entire life, I decided to take on someone’s dare for a physical fight. *GASP!!!* It would be too long to elaborate why, but I was willing to fight for my new family’s honor. I wasn’t going to let anyone wrongly accuse my new family, much less bully or threaten us because of such a lie or false accusation caused by her malicious son. I also did that to actually  avoid more trouble — rather than have her husband make good her threat and challenge my husband, I thought I’d dare the woman instead for a one-on-one between us. After all, she was the one looking for a fight and putting everyone in a bad situation. We weren’t in good terms before, but at least, they just passed by our house and we let them walk.

Take note, I was still somehow in recovery stage. The funny thing was, for all her loud-mouthed personal insults on me, even trying to hurt my feelings by saying I would never have my own child–I wasn’t hurt, by the way–the more I advanced towards her as I challenged her, she kept telling me to come over but she kept retreating. Ha!!! She was all-talk, no walk. Well, she was more like run-away. My poor husband had to keep telling me to just stop it because, of course, he was worried. I know it was not a wise thing to do, but it was better than to just shut up and let them walk all over us. I think I won the battle that day.

What do I mean by “new family”, though? By that, I mean my husband and his kids who have come to live with me. The kids are nice kids, but I admit, they are quite a handful. I have learned what kind of mom I would be — strict. I could be the coolest given the chance, however, current situation calls for a no-nonsense, no-pushover mom. I have learned how hard it really is to be a parent, a stepmom at that, to try to balance being lenient (the kids translate that to being good) and being strict (and that translates to being bad), to try to understand yet not tolerate. Honestly, it’s currently a no-win balancing act, but I’m–we’re–learning. We are forced to a place where we don’t want to be, but we’re trying to find the best way we can. People, especially those around us who are supposed to be the first to understand, can put us down, judge us, talk behind our backs, shout at our faces, but we will not let them break our family…

Let me stop here for now so as not to bore you and to be able to finally post this (this has been a draft for almost two months now!). Will continue…

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This is my “T” post. Can’t believe it’s almost a year already since I began this challenge, but those who’ve followed me and become my friends here can understand why. Thank you  always, guys!

UPDATE (April 1, 2016): Due to my very recent experience, I have honestly lost interest in sharing and the energy to share Part 2 of this post. I wanted to save the best part of 2015 for last, but that best part, my baby, left us just last week. So I think you will understand why I have decided not to continue. Thanks again…

Resolutions for That Necessary Lifestyle Change V.2

I must say, this one, big-planning thing has worked out for me…Here I am again, getting back in the Resolutions game. Why not? Like I always say, what is wrong with trying to be a better person? Isn’t that what resolutions are about? I don’t want to think of myself as a quitter; resolutions are not for quitters. You try and try until you solve a problem or issue. You resolve. You don’t resolve what’s already solved, just like you don’t fix what is not broken.

Quoting from last year’s post, I still believe in resolutions, despite my unexpected downward progress after (although how that can be called as progress, I don’t know). As a whole, to be honest, I am disappointed at the way I lived and handled my 2013 especially at the latter part. Then again, New Year is always the perfect time to turn over a new leaf once more, isn’t it?

So without further ado, here’s my updated New Year’s Resolutions list, what I call “Resolutions for That Necessary Lifestyle Change”:

1. Less bad temper, more understanding (read: don’t be too sensitive!), less bossy attitude. My bad temper really lessened a lot, so I hope I can still lessen it more, if not completely rid of it. There were still some little outbursts here and there. I really should work on understanding people more, too. I am a bit confused on whether I achieved that last year or not because on the one hand, I know I was more understanding, ergo, the temper improvement. On the other hand, I became sensitive at the latter part of the year, so much so that it negatively affected my overall view of things and of myself. That tells me I still lacked a lot in that department. I was the one who suffered most anyway, so if I can fix that great character flaw, it would be like hitting two birds–others and myself–with one stone. 

Less bossy attitude: I achieved that last year. Time now to polish.

2. Less unhealthy foods. This was last year: “Translates to (a) less fat so less red meat and eating at least white meat as alternative, (b) more fruits, veggies and fibers, (c) minimal sugar, and (d) avoidance of carcinogens as much as possible.” A, check, but work on it more. B, check, but work on it more. C,…with sweet treats at work, this is becoming difficult. But okay, it is admittedly manageable. So carry on, soldier! D, check…I think. Won’t hurt to carry on, too, right?

I am trying to be a vegetarian, to be truthful, but this is super-difficult! Will take it one year at a time.

3. More stretching and exercise! EPIC. FAIL. I tried once in a blue moon. The effort was obviously half-baked–no–QUARTER-baked! I think I even got worse. So I’m gonna try again while I’m still alive. Besides, I’m really gonna need to work on the body. According to Feng Shui, this year isn’t going to be a good one for me health-wise. Now, while I am not really a fan of Feng Shui, I think it’s always great advice to tell people to live healthier. It’s all common sense, really. If something rings right, it’s never wrong to try.

Sometime in the first parts of 2013, the office peeps were doing regular exercise breaks at 3pm. More than a year before, we even had weekly badminton sessions after work. I’ll try to push for these again. Why not, right? It’s always more fun when everyone’s in on the fun. Uh, you get what I mean.

4. More sports. Back to Muay Thai? I wanted to go all the way back. but there were certain factors that prevented me from sticking to it. I’ll try when those factors have become manageable. Besides, I can still somehow do this with the exercises I learned.

Arnis/kali? Much as I want to learn it, I cannot afford exclusive sessions right now. On Sundays, they do free lessons at Rizal Park, which is in Manila. Unfortunately, Sundays are always home-time in the province, often spent for doing laundry, doing some clean up, writing, net-surfing, reading, and even alone-time with my special someone (sometimes with his two kids as well…Imagine I’ve got three rowdy boys with me. Of course, I’m going to be busy). Meanwhile, the Ninjutsu class my friends and I were hoping for did not push through, as far as we know. Too bad. Oh well, maybe I wouldn’t be able to afford that, too. Ugh.

There are other sports to try, anyway. For instance, running. Some people in the office have taken to after-work jogging/running (even some of my housemates) and there are those who have actually joined fun runs. Not sure if I can join any fun run immediately, but I can try the regular jogging/running. Well, at least every Wednesday and/or Thursday. I am often too tired on Mondays. I attend a regular thing on Tuesdays. Fridays, I go home.

Hopefully, I can make it a habit. *crosses fingers*

5. More writing. I’d like to give myself a pat on the back. I think, compared to recent years, 2013 brought back the old writer-me. Okay, there were still lapses, but again, some things, I could not totally control. I am just happy I am writing again. With this blog, I move forward. I will try to write as much as possible. I probably won’t get ‘Freshly Pressed’ here anytime soon, maybe never, but anyhoo.

6. More reading. Done! Now all I gotta do is to keep at it. Maybe I should instead say “Finish up more books and quit procrastinating.” While I have read more this year, there were lots of books I didn’t finish. So this year, I plan on finishing them.

7. Proper budgeting. “…So here’s to scrimping coupled with lots of prayers.” Now here’s to MORE scrimping coupled with lots of prayers. Won’t hurt to try to save up again, no matter how lost the cause was last year, which posed a lot of challenges that caused me to fail this goal. It was practically beyond my control, needless to say.

Now apparently, there were/are people who grudgingly believe(d) I had more than I claimed i did, but I can’t do anything about that anymore. I WISH they were right ’cause at least, there’s going to be moolah. I think this will just boil down to Goal #1, to my being more understanding of others because sometimes, it’s not up to me to fix what’s broken especially if it’s not mine to fix to begin with. Never mistake understanding to being a pushover, however. I have my own life to live.

8. More humility. “I will always remember what I wrote in my previous post.” Ditto this year.

9. More kindness. I think I lacked self-kindness last year. So this year, I’m going to work on that.

10. Regain my ‘original nature’. It’s really a personal thing and cannot be simply explained. One thing I was made to realize last year was that everyone has his/her own inevitable karma and it’s up to that individual to break any bad karma by self-reflection, -realization and -repentance. No one can do it for him/her but the self.

So there you go! My list for this year. And last year, too, only updated. I know there are people who would rather not do resolutions because the promises would be broken anyway. Forgive me, but I think it’s a defeatist way of seeing things. Instead of saying “I can’t,” why not at least say “I’ll try”? Strive for a Better You!

“He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty” (Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching). 

Meanwhile, to our Chinese friends, Advance…

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So may I ask the perennial question we ask every time the year starts? DO YOU BELIEVE IN NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS? Kindly take the poll, it won’t take much of your time. Do you have any comments? You are so welcome. Write away! Do you have your own list already? Why not share to us and link to it?…HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

 

Resolutions for That Necessary Lifestyle Change

“In hindsight, I don’t think I did anything that substantial last year. If anything, I may have been a worse person. However, what I like about new years are the opportunities to turn a new leaf.” I should say, I did turn quite a new leaf. I think I’ve become a better person. You see? That is why New Year’s Resolutions can be helpful. People just say that they don’t have any because promises are always broken anyway. I think that is just the escapist’s P.O.V. What is wrong with trying to be a better person? At least you try. And the first step you do is to PLAN.

Back in New Year 2009, I wrote this in my Multiply blog regarding how 2008 was for me personally. I must say, this one, big-planning thing has worked out for me. But though I always liked coming up with my New Year’s Resolutions, for some reason, I unintentionally stopped by the time 2010 came into all our lives. I do have a guess why except it doesn’t really matter now, does it?

Here I am again, getting back in the Resolutions game. Why not? Like I always say, what is wrong with trying to be a better person? Isn’t that what resolutions are about? I don’t want to think of myself as a quitter; resolutions are not for quitters. You try and try until you solve a problem or issue. You resolve. You don’t resolve what’s already solved, just like you don’t fix what is not broken.

A Better Me in 2013!!!

Okay, so what to fix in 2013? Here’s what I call “Resolutions for That Necessary Lifestyle Change”.

1. Less bad temper, more understanding, less bossy attitude. Good for the heart. Good for my heart as well as others’. These three kind of come together, for me, at least. I am less bossy now except there’s that tendency at times that I have to watch out for. Work-wise, it’s not so much of a problem. But it could be things that suddenly change my mood or catch me in a bad one, usually when others are cruel to me, others, even animals. Losing one’s cool is sooo not cool. Well, try and try and try and if I fail, try again!

2. Less unhealthy foods. Translates to (a) less fat so less red meat and eating at least white meat as alternative, (b) more fruits, veggies and fibers, (c) minimal sugar, and (d) avoidance of carcinogens as much as possible. I am winning this battle little by little so why stop?

3. More stretching and exercise! I’ve been so out-of-shape lately due to a lifestyle that was mostly beyond my control. But now I can gain back the control. More stretching and exercise when I wake up in the morning. I haven’t been doing this much since work went back the regular route in September 2012. And the reason I haven’t done this much is because I am always hurrying for work in the first place! So I guess, this is synonymous to “Fix your body clock”.

4. More sports. Yup, like going back to Muay Thai and/or continuing with the Ninjutsu class IF the teacher decides to continue the class. The problem is, I am always torn between practicing my first martial art and taking up other MAs, especially the Filipino Martial Art (FMA) a.k.a. Arnis a.k.a. Kali. It’s not like I have all the time and means (and age) in the world to do all of these. This is so typical of me, always the late bloomer…My first sport really was volleyball, but I hardly know how to actually continue with that. While badminton, well, the office went on weekly badminton sessions last year, but the drive got stale. There are talks of reviving it so we’ll see.

5. More writing. This is my first love. However, just like in most relationships, it sometimes is a roller-coaster ride except the slower speed seems to dominate. Well, I have been trying with spurts of inspiration. In fact, I have been trying too hard to inspire myself lately that made me literally sick. So what I’m trying to do now is take it on a regular speed. Well, something like that, you get the drift (do people still say drift like that???).

6. More reading. To broaden my horizon and sharpen my intellect. Gotta re-fuel the brain somehow. I have been trying these recent years to do this. There’s been some minimal improvement. I do think I can do much better than that. That’s why when I couldn’t go online last night and couldn’t sleep because I wasn’t feeling well, I actually spent the time finishing a book. There are lots of unfinished books in my shelves and even lots that have been unread for years! So this year, I’m gonna change that, so join me in crossing fingers.

7. Proper budgeting. Recent events have made this too much of a challenge. But that’s no excuse. So here’s to scrimping coupled with lots of prayers.

8. More humility. I will always remember what I wrote in my previous post.

9. More kindness. Let me be not humble right now to say I have become more kind and hope to become more so. Being kind involves Resolution #1. It means putting yourself in others’ shoes. There’s also kindness in tough love, when you’re sure that not giving in to somebody else’s wants is for his/her own good. There’s also such a thing as self-kindness — doing what benefits yourself. Do not mistake it as selfishness. It means we ought to know if something is good for us or not. We have logic. We should know when what we do is simply out of being self-centered.

10. Regain my ‘original nature’. This one is a bit harder to explain. Just leave it to me, guys.

So! Any plans for some cool changes in yourself this year? It’s never too late and it’s never wrong to be a Better You. Trust me :“He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty” (Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching). Oh, and by the way, to our Chinese friends, Advance…

Chinese New Year’s Day on February 9!!!