Advice for the Supposed Lovelorn #ThursdayTips

Valentine’s largely become an occasion for married couples, those in a relationship (even if “It’s complicated” and all those other tags), or people simply in the courtship stage. And this has pretty much resulted in singles being shoved aside, figuratively speaking, but sometimes rudely just the same. The worse part is, oftentimes, it’s the singles who belittle themselves and feel unworthy.

This should not be so. It’s the season of LOVE!!!!! Love is everywhere of every day. Love is for everyone! And unless you’re an evil overlord or such,…

YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE

Stop hating on Valentine, it’s not his fault. Don’t be a killjoy just because you think Valentine’s is not for you. Perhaps it’s simply not the right time, or s/he’s not the right person, or there are just greater things in store for you. Stop sulking and keep living.

I remember this incident when two younger and prettier girls concluded that I was depressed due to a lack of romantic relationship. It was the only proof they had. In other words, singles like us (or like I was then, and they were, for that matter) were diagnosed as depressed just by knowing our pitiful status.

I never really felt depressed about the lack of significant other. I hope that if you are singles right now, you don’t either. Let me share with you the things I learned along the way (taken from my SPINSTERVILLE piece). Take these as words of wisdom from a former supposed lovelorn:

Being single is not something to be ashamed of. It is not a sin. Where in the world has that ever been written? Spinsterville is not The End of the World. More like a State of Mind. The end of the world is only for those who cannot get pass beyond what their eyes can see. They do not care that the world is round and to see it from different perspectives. They do not care to look at what is really beyond the horizon, afraid that they just might find themselves and not like what they’ll see.

Singlehood is not merely a choice you make, but the only one given you at the particular moment. Should the opportunity presents itself, however, you still have the right to not accept Choice B. Maybe not that soon, maybe never.

Love is not something you simply buy from the store wherein you go to a rack, pick one item up, then pay for it at the counter. If this is how it’s done, then you just might pay dearly…It’s about making the right choice. It’s about choosing what makes you happier, not what makes them happier.

Why hurry and jump into the frying pan just to avoid singlehood? Sometimes, you get more than you bargained for. Many times, people get into it at the first sign of false hope, only to get burned and live the rest of their lives trying to lick the wounds…In our hurry, we pick the closest fruit nearby and think that that will do. Later, we discover the worm that has been hidden all along. By then, it’s too late. What a rotten deal we put ourselves into.

Don’t join the bandwagon just so you won’t be left behind. A wedding does not assure you of a happy marriage. It is simply a declaration of the commitment you make, that you will try to achieve the happiness you crave for in the relationship.

It does not assure you of children, either, if that is your primary goal. Don’t treat your spouse like a thing that you can use for your own selfish purposes.

A soul mate is not necessarily the one you marry. S/he could be your best friend in the form of a companion, parent, child, someone of the same sex…I can go on and on. A soul mate is someone who understands you fully yet helps you become a better person and lets you return the favor. A kindred spirit, so to speak.

Do you realize that statistically, there is an uneven distribution of the sexes in the world? There are, in fact, less men than women. Let us also not forget about gender preferences…I only know that somehow, some way, the balance is tilted and that’s reality. They will not change just because you say so. We all have to look at the small details to see the bigger picture.

Singles should not think they are the only singles in the world and that they have failed in fulfilling their life’s mission. Was Jesus ever married? No. Did Mother Theresa marry? No…This just goes to show that you don’t have to be married to achieve whatever it is you are meant to achieve.

“You are all that you need.” I think, to have someone is really just icing on the cake. The cake itself is already whole, delicious and edible, its foundations already built. The icing and all others are just treats that may be enjoyed and add color. But they are not necessary. We just want them to decorate the cake, like we want them to decorate our lives.

I think singles and non-singles are both victims of society and its twisted notion of what is supposed to be right or wrong. This thinking dates back from time immemorial. It’s so much so that even when they feel happy, doubt often creeps in to kill that happiness, simply because they are not what they are not. 

So you think you are alone and has no one at all? Then, it is worse than loving blindly. I call it living blindly. Open your eyes, look around! You can never be alone unless you will it. What do they say? That “no man is an island”. Realize that many people need you.

The heart is the biggest and strongest muscle after all. It can accommodate as many as you want if you let it. Marriage is not a requirement in life. It should not be a must to be considered normal and a part of society. It is definitely not a ticket to hand over to enter the gates of Heaven.

 

Do you guys agree yet? If yes, can I give you a few more tips? These are from an interview Dr. Eamer did with me about being one of those in the NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) crowd. In Part 2 of that interview, he asked for me to give a message to NBSBs (start reading that as a noun). Here they are below, translated wholly in English. I believe they are meant for all singles, not NBSBs alone…

TIPS WHILE YOU WAIT (OR NOT)

One, don’t wait. Don’t waste your time waiting. Don’t lose hope, yes, but do not make it your life-long goal or else, you might get more depressed. It will happen if it will happen. If it does not, at least find a way to be happy nevertheless. You owe it to yourself. Maybe do something that will benefit others.

Two, others can eat their opinions. If you’re just thinking of what others say or think of your situation, shove it. Are you getting into a relationship just so you can shut people up from meddling in your single life? Who do you think will suffer in times of trouble, them?

Three, don’t be desperate. Don’t settle for two-timers who are all-too willing to treat you as a fling or mistress. Where’s the dignity there? I think that would be even worse and humiliating than being an NBSB for Life.

Four, if you’re NBSB or single, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you and that you’re incomplete. We just have different circumstances. You’re already complete, as an individual–people are just icing on the cake, there to add flavor into your life.

Five, be careful what you wish for.

So singles, stop trying to conform to others’ standards so that they can mold you into their likeness. Stop explaining yourself and coming up with possible reasons on why you’re still uncommitted when you’re not even sure of them yourself. Stop being defensive and picking we’re-better-than-you fights–online or otherwise–with non-singles.

Most of all, stop apologizing!

YOU ARE SINGLE BECAUSE

YOU JUST ARE.

Alright, this is my key takeaway:

“When I finally meet my Creator, He will not be looking for the ring on my finger; He will not measure my worth by how many kids I’ve brought to the world; and He will not condemn me for not saying “I do.” Instead, He will ask how I lived my life regardless of a ring; He will measure me by how many kids I’ve helped bring up as good persons; and He will ask me what I did for others unselfishly. I will not face him as a single or a married person. I will stand before my Creator as an individual. That’s what really counts.”

 

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Agree or disagree? Let us know below.

If I ever offended anybody with this, kindly let me know. It’s not any of my intentions to do so.

Love in the Time of Forensics #Bones #TVTuesday

Before anything else,….

HAPPY Image result for valentine'sDAY!!!

This is the week of love and a great time to focus on a love theme for my posts. So, in keeping with the occasion and my hash potato-ing (*wink*), I’d like to feature one of my favorite TV couples, if not most favorite, for #TVTuesday:

Dr. Temperance “Bones” Brennan, PhD Image result for valentine'sAgent Seeley Booth

If you are not familiar with them, they are in the show BONES for which their actors both have produced episodes. It does make me sad that they’re on their final/farewell season now *sniff* The good thing is I can still try to watch seasons I haven’t yet seen.

That said,…

I honestly never knew about Emily Deschanel (@emilydeschanel) until this show. It’s her sister Zooey whom I first knew (and also liked). Nevertheless, big sister’s portrayal of forensic anthropologist Dr. Brennan was so, so good and funny, I soon fell in love with the character. Maybe if some other actress did it, I wouldn’t like her as much. Or maybe it’s just Emily’s beautiful, wide eyes that got to me. She’s so good at it, though, that hopefully, people look at her playing other roles without getting stuck in the “Oh, it’s Bones!” mindset and still remember they’re staring at a totally different character in a totally different show or movie.

(To add, I wrote a feature on Brennan a.k.a. Bones to blog about years ago, but I still haven’t finished writing that. In fact, I have been looking for my notebook!)

Meanwhile, I never really liked Angel of Buffy TVS and its spin-off Angel (although to be fair, I only saw a few episodes of the latter). Probably more because of the character, not the actor. But when I saw David Boreanaz (@David_Boreanaz) playing Booth, I instantly liked the character. He was the brawn against Emily’s brains character. David’s charm finally shone for me.

Anyway, I am not exactly featuring the actors or the show, but the love that bloomed between Bones and Booth. Let me just share to you some video clips and a few memes/images. Time to give you SeeleyBones (that’s what I call them) “kilig”* moments.  (By the way, all BONES-related clips and images are courtesy of BONESonFOX).

 

True love really starts with friendship. In this case, a professional partnership that slowly but surely developed into a real partnership. In fact, it took them several seasons to figure out and accept they liked each other that way, and several more to finally realize they were really meant to be together as lifetime partners.

In love, you must not let anyone or anything ruin a good thing.

Love is ever-there…even through awkward trash-talking, annoying hyper-rationality of everything, and lame attempts at “hilarious” jokes, Bones-style.

(“Comedy is math???” Since when? Since Brennan said it is.)

(And because Bones has the humor of an 8-year-old, kids, don’t watch this one!)

Love is being there to push and keep each other up no matter what. Watching out for each other, it’s what it is.

Bones has got a question:

Booth knows why.

What happens is “everything that happens next…”

Remember, for a relationship to work, take your skeletons out of the closet and learn to dance!

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**NOTE: To Fox and BONES producers, sorry I borrowed clips and images. I did give you all the credits. Oh, and thank you very much for bringing BONES into all our lives. I love my BONES!!!

*kilig – that tingly feeling you get when something sweet and romantic gets to you and makes you say oohs and aahs and maybe get you all giggling and excited.

“SMILES, WINKS AND GOOGLY EYES”

And because I have no time to post something new and I am about to start my work, I am reblogging this shortie. Hope you like it, mushiness and all.

The End Justifies the Journey

love does not discriminate When it’s there, you’ll just know…

He catches my eye in an instant.

From far across the room, he watches me with a steady gaze, nervous but steady. And I catch my breath. I can feel butterflies doing flip-flops in my stomach. Who would have thought that butterflies could flip-flop?

Still catching my breath as I return his gaze. My, he has come here today looking his best. He has all my attention, that most handsome man in the room. Somehow, I am nervous, but it is a somewhat warm, tingly, funny, nervous sensation running through my every nerve. Weird.

I enter the room ever-so-slowly, my legs trembling like jello with every step.Take it easy,I remind myself, he isn’t going anywhere.He doesn’t seem to at all, not when he smiles at me with that familiar happy and knowing smile.

It is the smile of the friend who…

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Hawak-Kamay (Holding Hands) #atozchallenge2014

I know, I know. I discussed about my theme songs recently. But there’s one I forgot to add, which is just okay, because this song I am about to share is not something that’s simply meant for me. It is something that I dedicate to two important people in my life, my sister and my future husband. This song is called Hawak-Kamay. “Holding Hands” or “Hand in Hand,” in English. It is by Yeng Constantino.

Yeng was the grand prize winner of the first-ever Pinoy Dream Academy show. This was a song that she composed before she entered the competition. While at that time, she was not my favorite, this song elevated my respect for this then-teener. Originally a song she created for her cousin who was undergoing some sort of problem, this song speaks of going through the journey together, courageously, through good and bad times, with hands held. Considering how young she was at the time, the lyrics seemed to have been written by someone way beyond her years.

Very touching and meaningful, it is the perfect message for beloved people in your life, be they family, friends or special someones. Yeng may not be a favorite artist of mine, but I think she writes some of the best Filipino songs in this generation. Her song is one of my most loved Filipino songs.

Here’s the song and a translation I found below. I have had no time to do the translating myself so I tried to find one and found a non-Filipino’s version of the song (I think I can translate it better, though, if only I have the time). If you want to hear his version, click on his name.

“I’m By Your Side”
English Version/Lyrics Written by: David DiMuzio
Original Tagalog version written by: Yeng Constantino

Sometimes you’re pinned to the ground by the weight of the problem
Sometimes the world can spin you around, till you could scream out
Why won’t it end now?

You could look up to the heavens
Someone up there’s listening to us
Or maybe you could call on me
You always know at any time

I’m by your side
Through the rain, though the night, every fight
In a world that has no guarantees
I’m by your side
Hand in hand through the days that see us laugh and cry
Sa mundo ng kawalan

Sometimes the world breaks apart, underneath
The trust upon which you set your weary feet
The current pulls you towards disaster, you swim to break free

You’re not alone now, I’m not that far
Always know that you’re a shooting star
You’re never alone, Never Alone

 

My big sister and I grew up always arguing, so who would think I would dedicate something like this to her? Well, maybe we did not get along well, but it did not mean we didn’t love each other. When she began working, I decided to show my respect to her as a legitimate adult and didn’t argue much with her anymore. I knew she was still fond of me in a certain way because she surprised me by gifting me with stuffed toys and books, especially my collection of the Anne of Green Gables series. You know, love doesn’t always have to be shown grandly. Sometimes, it’s in the little things, if you only know how to see things in a deeper perspective.

Meanwhile, unlike most couples who have their theme songs (well, I assume that most couples do have their own), FH (future husband, okay?) and I do not have any, unless we count the first songs I ever “sung” for him, which were recorded a capella versions of Part of Your World and The Journey (he asked me to sing this again to him recently, saying he missed it). That said, this song is now officially our theme song, though he doesn’t know that yet, he he.

 

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I hope you liked that song because I love it!

This is my “Y” post for the…

a-to-z-challenge

I guess you did not notice, but I’ll confess anyway. I skipped my “X” post for now. Why? ’cause I couldn’t think of a thing! And it’s keeping me from writing anything, so I decided to postpone that one 😉

Happy Second!

Our story, truth be told, would seem to be what books and movies are made of. Many would think, “Huh? What are you talking about? You’re just as normal and boring as most couples are.” Well, you don’t know our story. But the thing is, we don’t really need to explain ourselves. The important thing is those who really matter to us have accepted us.

There are those who doubt us, doubt that we can make it, maybe they always will. Some, for reasons we can only try to comprehend, say and will say bad things behind our backs, even try to get us reprimanded for things we should not be guilty about. There are people who will never say anything in front of us and will even act all supportive, though we don’t ask for it. There’s a word for that. We can only privately shake our heads in disbelief. All we can do is to try to understand why they are the way they are. Bad habits are hard to break, especially if one does not feel the need s/he has to.

There will be hardships, perhaps lots of it, but no true love ever emerged without these. If you have never experienced anything that remotely resembles a problem in your relationship, however small, then there’s your problem, the relationship itself. You might really need to think things through before you decide to go on with it.

So while I have always been the less verbal about our feelings in public, I would like to say thank you to him for the patience and understanding and for letting me feel I am not a robot after all. We may not be together most of the time but I know we are true. I am praying we’ll last a lifetime.

I LOVE YOU, BIKOY

HAPPY VALENTINE’S MONTH.

HAPPY 2ND ANNIVERSARY!!! 

“SMILES, WINKS AND GOOGLY EYES”

love does not discriminate

When it’s there, you’ll just know…

He catches my eye in an instant.

From far across the room, he watches me with a steady gaze, nervous but steady. And I catch my breath. I can feel butterflies doing flip-flops in my stomach. Who would have thought that butterflies could flip-flop?

Still catching my breath as I return his gaze. My, he has come here today looking his best. He has all my attention, that most handsome man in the room. Somehow, I am nervous, but it is a somewhat warm, tingly, funny, nervous sensation running through my every nerve. Weird.

I enter the room ever-so-slowly, my legs trembling like jello with every step.Take it easy,I remind myself, he isn’t going anywhere.He doesn’t seem to at all, not when he smiles at me with that familiar happy and knowing smile.

It is the smile of the friend who has always been there for me through thick and thin, maybe thinner still. Sometimes, he is there to cheer me up when I’m down. Sometimes, he is simply there to help pick up the broken pieces of me. Many times, we fix the pieces together till I’m whole again and almost brand new. Yet other times, he lets me do the cheering, the picking, and the fixing for him.

He is still smiling.

I am reminded of the times he smiles at me when we dance, when he holds me close like I am the only woman in the world for him (never mind that he manages to occasionally step on my feet). Or about those times when he sings sweet songs just for me (never mind that he rather sings off-key and has only perfected the tune to Happy Birthday so far). Or about those many times when he writes me love letters or tries to create poems which I religiously keep in a shoebox together with remnants of other stuff from him (never mind that he does often get carried away and say the corniest things…which I love to read over and over, by the way).

He winks at me and my heart skips a beat.

I love it when he winks at me. It is like sharing a secret that only the two of us know, like a bond, or a pact, or a whatever-you-may-call-it. For me, it is a promise. It is a promise that he will love me and cherish me and shelter me, simply because I am me.

I wink back. Ditto.

He smiles even wider. He got the message. Oh, we could just look at each other and know, just know. I sigh a contented sigh to myself as I reach him and stand before him. This is my perfect lover – Mr. Not-So-Perfect, who fits me quite perfectly.

This is the man I want to wake up to every morning, and sleep together with at night even if he snores. I might snore myself but he will never ever complain. What’s a snore compared to having each other anyway? He appreciates my cooking efforts and loves me all the more for trying, especially not to burn anything. I can talk to him about intellectual stuff like books, poetry, and life, and about trivial things such as the weather and, oh yeah, TV cartoons that we shamelessly watch without worrying too much about age. He does not undermine me by letting me win the games, but does not get mad when I kick his butt in Scrabble and chess. Maybe we don’t agree about everything – he is neither domineering nor a push-over – but this we do know: RESPECT. Our motto.

I sigh again. He is looking at me now with happy, googly eyes.

The man in front of us clears his throat to begin. But before he does, Mr. Right takes my hand, swallows hard, and says the sweetest words next to “I love you” – “I DO.”

I laugh and say, “I KNOW.”

Copyright © June 2002 – 2015 J.Gi Federizo  

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Did you like this story? Feel free to express it by pressing the LIKE button.  Or do you have a constructive comment to share? Feel free to let me know! Write down your thoughts on the comment box below or email me at j.gi.federizo@gmail.com …Thanks!!! :D

HAPPY HEARTS DAY TO ALL!!!

Love is for everyone. Plenty of it to go around. Let’s be generous 🙂