Messed Up & Muay Thai #NaNoPoblano2020PLUS #My2020

As I type this, I am looking at and thinking of a hundred things. Literally. The house is a mess! And it’s practically all because of me.

We have washed lots of stuff. Not a few of them, I have not put back where they should be. They have holes and torn parts that need fixing. But since I work 5 days a week and am cleaning and fixing other things in-between, I have seriously lagged in the sewing department. Remember, I told you about my new “hobby”? It isn’t one right now.

I will make sure I sew them all before Christmas. At least, the ones that need to be repaired by Christmas.

Christmas! All this extra pressure just because I want everything done before Christmas. We’re supposed to have put up the tree by now. But I wanted to think of a new theme. Then I decided to clean up things and rid of many others before putting up the tree. I need to fix other things and put them in place first…Ugh. For a slightly OC person, I am a messy one. What my husband has to put up with!

I’m done with my gift-shopping, though. Yey! There are only a few on the list considering the pandemic. All kids. (Oops! None for the husband yet. Yikes!)

learn-muay-thai

The Amateur Trainee

Do you want to know a secret? I have started teaching our youngest how to kickbox. I thought it’s time to teach him the Muay Thai moves I know. I want him to learn self-defense and discipline. I always emphasize to him that the Martial Arts are for self-defense, not fighting.

I’m not a professional, but I did learn the basic moves. He can keep practicing them until he’s good. I will also find a good teacher on YouTube. I used to watch one or two channels years ago.

I think Muay Thai can help him grow stronger. He’s very energetic and yet, he’s a skinny, underweight kid. He eats like a bird most of the time. His appetite has improved these last months, actually. And since we’re doing this, I told him he better start eating healthier, too. Eat more, especially veggies.

That’s NOT THE SECRET, however.

I told him that my gift for him is the free training and he agreed because he wants to learn. Truthfully, he’s not the type who usually asks for gifts even when he wants to. To encourage the boy about the training, I promised I would let him use my gloves. He loves my boxing gloves. He has tried it on several times before.

So, the secret? I already found the perfect gift for him — his own boxing gloves and hand wraps!

Those two items must always come together. The hand wraps help protect the wrists and hands from injury during training. I’m honestly not sold about the quality of the boxing gloves, but theirs were the only brand and design available where I bought them. I decided to buy them anyway as he’s just a beginner. I won’t make him throw hard punches yet. They’re regular training gloves like mine, by the way. Not the ones specific for Muay Thai.

For general Muay Thai training involving bagwork and padwork, you can use either Muay Thai or pure boxing gloves. There are subtle differences in the aerodynamics construct but won’t affect the casual fighter/martial arts student.

        (Muay Thai Citizen)

They were selling the fingerless gloves that are popular in the MMA. I ignored those, which are not recommended for beginners. Those are meant for more experienced trainees who can give much harder punches without hurting their own knuckles and wrists.

I also bought a punching mitt and a kick pad. They’re not for his use alone. so they’re not included as gifts. I bought those to encourage me to go back to the art of kickboxing as well. I’m one of many people who have grown bigger than their own good during the pandemic.

Everlast is a brand trusted by professionals. That’s why I chose their punching mitt. I have only one piece for now.

The trainer’s POV wearing a punch mitt

 

 

 

This was the only brand of kickpad they had then

Our boy is currently into learning the Martial Art. I hope he stays interested. Meanwhile, I am interested in finishing my tasks and projects at home. They’re not going to finish themselves so, bye for now!

 

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QUICK NOTE: I was not able to stick to my NaNoPoblano2020 challenge last month. So I have decided to finish it this month. Since it’s past November, let me just call it #NaNoPoblano2020PLUS!

Thanking My Ate #NaNoPoblano2020 #My2020

Happy Thanksgiving! This is for anyone who celebrates the special occasion. How are you celebrating it, guys?

Like in many other countries, the Philippines does not celebrate it. That’s despite America’s history with and influence on us. It’s their own history after all. However, it’s always good to give thanks to those who help, love, care for, and inspire us.

Today, I want to share something. This was a birthday greeting to my ate (big sister) on September 20, 2019. I feel that sharing it here is another chance to express my gratitude. Until the day I posted it, I never really told people how much I appreciated my sister…

My big sister Janeth a.k.a. Jeng to many, but simply Ate to me

As most siblings stories go, ours was typical at the start. We were far from the best of friends. We often fought like other siblings often do — Little Sis keeps following like a puppy, Big Sis gets annoyed and tries to ditch her. And yet, we had the most in common in the family. I guess that’s mainly because she influenced me the most.

Me and My Ate. We didn’t always get along when we were young, but we did have our moments

From her, I learned to appreciate books. Because of her, I developed a genuine and deeper love for music and art. And thanks to her belief in me, I learned to believe in myself and write…I have never thanked her for her contributions in my life, so I am taking this opportunity: THANK YOU, ATE.

You know I love you no matter what. I know you love me, too, in your own way. Even when I say “I love you” and make you feel awkward. **Kahit tinatarayan mo ako (kabog naman kasi ako sa iyo,,he he). Please, let us never forget our promise: NO FIGHTING!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND I LOVE YOU!!! I WISH FOR YOU HEALTH AND A LONG AND HAPPY LIFE, ALWAYS.

**Even when you lose your temper at me (I’m really no match to you when it comes to temper, ha ha).”

To be very, very honest, I posted that because I felt the end could be any month, any day, or even any time soon. I didn’t want her to go without knowing how much she really meant to me.

Our parents left and I was never sure that they knew how much they meant to me. They probably felt it, but sometimes, people need to hear “I love you” to be reassured. My father was already different for the longest time that even if I said it just now, he’d forget a few minutes later. My mother, when she was bed-ridden, that was when I kept telling it to her and showed it with hugs and kisses. But most of those times, or maybe even the whole time, she was not anymore in a proper state of mind…

Mr. and Mrs. Federizo

So you can understand my intention about the post, right?

It has always been said that you should say “I love you” while your loved ones are still in this world. Do not wait until it’s too late. That is why I often tell people how much I love or appreciate them. I had been telling my sister and she would, at first, laugh awkwardly at times. She’d kind of say, “Alright already”, a bit in a dismissive way. But I knew she loved me even so. It took a while before she felt comfortable saying it back.

The last months had me so worried. She wasn’t in great shape. Far from it. I was so worried she’d contract the virus. That could be hell for her, dealing with her illnesses, not being in her proper mind all the time, then being left alone in the care of people she didn’t know. I kept hoping that if it came to that, her caregivers would understand her and be kind to her. I salute our medical frontliners. But let’s face it. Not everyone can be so kind and patient.

To be even more honest, while her passing away was still a surprise and, yes, I cried, I was also relieved. She was no longer in pain and God spared her from the worst possible scenario. Most important, she literally went away happy and smiling. She got her wishes.

I don’t know how to end this post. Just maybe with this:

Let us LOVE, always. Show it. Tell it. Feel it.

Say I Love You. Then thank them for being a part of you.

A Furry Christmas #NaNoPoblano2020 #My2020

We got an early Christmas surprise. It came in the form of a cute fur baby.

Two weeks ago, my cousin passed by our house carrying a kitten. My husband saw this and asked about it. He was told that they only found it. Here, it usually means that a puppy (not usual) or a kitten (very often) has either been abandoned by the mother or thrown away by the supposed owner. That is sadly the reality. I assume it was found inside their lot, which is beside ours. And I assume my cousin was about to give it away to anyone interested.

Now, I had been asking my husband to find me a kitten. I miss having a cat around. If you don’t know it, having a pet cat can be very therapeutic to anyone, no matter his/her emotional, mental, or physical state. It’s also practical if you don’t want mice or rats around…Anyway, in other words, I woke up to find a newly adopted kitty being transferred into my arms.

Here she is. “It” is now a “she” carrying a name.

Meet Jemima “Mimay” Enriquez.

Jemima MIMAY Enriquez

I named her Jemima, after my favorite CATS The Musical kitten. Not the same hair color, but I’m not complaining. I’ve been waiting too long to name a cat “Jemima”. Meanwhile, “Mimay” is a nick and term of endearment. Very Pinoy-sounding. Plus, it serves as a tribute to my last cat, which my stepsons met and love, Mumay.

Mimay-and-I

First time we met. I have flexible lips that can cover my nose, ha ha haaaa!!! Didn’t want to inhale fur

She feels like she’s the Queen, ergo, she can climb anywhere and on anyone!

 

Kitty Angel for a minute or so. When she’s not scratching, biting and being mischievous, or meowing real loud for food

She was so tiny. She still is, but she’s definitely growing

 

Getting into scrapes but demanding assistance

Sleeping with her favorite toy, Mimsy

I’m not good at gauging age but I think she was more than a week old when she came here. It’s now been two weeks and she’s growing bigger, stronger, and even naughtier, as cats are expected to be. I look forward to loving this baby, hopefully, for a very long time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Note: Videos soon**

How I Spend My 2020 #NaNoPoblano2020 #My2020

How “random” are you? I believe that my interests can be so random at times that I lose focus. I’m so random that I only thought of my Nano Poblano 2020 theme an hour ago! Basing on my first post, I realized what I would like to finally talk about: #My2020.

How I Spend My 2020

We are in a pandemic. No non-believer can convince me otherwise. It is during this period that people have started focusing on other things or hobbies to do in their lives, including me. And because you asked for it (I’m psychic), I am listing those things down. In random order, naturally 😉

1. Sewing. To be more specific, fixing holes and replacing buttons, etc. Nothing too complicated for me like making a dress.

Sew, sew, sew your clothes…My view from where I usually sit

It’s really something that I occasionally did pre-pandemic. But because I am almost at home 24/7, I figured I’d get more done now. I do. You wouldn’t see them on my vlogs but I stack various pieces of clothing that need fixing beside me. I often do them when I feel sleepy. You can say it’s one of my wake-uppers. I squeeze them in whenever the Internet connection is slow. It does not impede my work. In fact, it makes me more alert.

I honestly have not been doing that much sewing lately, though. I have fixed most of the important pieces anyway. Also, like I said, I am “random”. My attention is divided and directed elsewhere.

2. Vlogging. As mentioned, I vlog. Well, more like I record videos. In a year, I only post a few on Youtube, though that is never the intention. I’d post more if I could. It’s the editing that takes time and effort.

At the start of the pandemic, I was so stressed out by my work. There was not enough time nor energy to edit during free time. In later months, my workload lessened along with a bit of the stress. I was able to do more recording. I posted one video, I think. Then came the time the kids needed to start their education again. Except, for now, they have to stay at home (the teen does not stay with us, though). My days have become more hectic once again. Teaching just one kid this pandemic can already be very stressful. Of course, I make sure to do my work. But in-between, I need to be teacher-mom.

I did decide that those unpublished clips were not going to post themselves. So I’m back vlogging,

In addition, I am letting the tweener participate in some of them. I want him to be more well-rounded and skilled. Now, before anyone accuses me of child labor/exploitation or whatever, I don’t earn anything from YouTube. In fact, I have no plans of earning from them anytime soon. That is why I am not breaking my back over content creation. Come on, I have only posted — what — 13 vlogs? No one’s gonna pay me for those. It’s just something that I like doing. In life, you have to find something that makes you happy.

3. Watching TV/movies/videos. Anyone who’s followed me long enough knows how I love watching movies and series via Netflix. When school hadn’t started yet, the tweener and I would binge-watch.

I made sure I let him watch TV series that I had already seen. For instance,, in the Arrowverse, I let him watch Supergirl and the Flash. But I said no to Arrow. It had more sexy/love scenes than I could count. I just told him the show’s story as it’s important to explain the crossovers better. He’s seen the first season of Legends of Tomorrow because a TV network showed the dubbed version. They took care of the censorship for me (and the translation).

Image from Mashable India

I do not want any inappropriate (to kids) scenes to surprise us. I’ve let him see the last season of Game of Thrones (not on Netflix, though). He was very intrigued by it because I kept watching the episode where winter finally came, so to speak. Fortunately, that season hardly showed naked people supposedly doing the deed. I knew where to skip anyway. I just gave him a background or recap of the show’s previous seasons.

As for movies, I’d check them out first before letting him see them. If I hadn’t seen a movie, I made sure to be around, just in case. If I had to do something for a couple of minutes, we’d pause them till I was back. We’re now binging on a local show on YouTube. That one, I need not worry about.

Meanwhile, I watch YouTube channels. I watch those that I already follow, and then some that interest me. My main interest these days has to do with mental health. DID in particular.

4. Cooking. My husband is the chef of the house. But lately, I have found myself learning how to cook. He leaves for a few days to work, therefore, only one kid and I are left. It is more economical not to buy cooked food or cold cuts to fry all the time. I decided there is no better time to learn to cook than today.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not a total noob when it comes to cooking. I have had classes where we cooked in grade school and high school. In college, I took up Nutrition classes where we cooked stuff. Once in a while, I would try out at home simple recipes that I found (onion soup, buttered veggies, churros…). But I was never really a cook. Classes required group effort and I often tried very hard not to be assigned as cook. I did create a few tofu/tokwa recipes some time ago. But it was only the hubby and me who tried them. I liked them; he didn’t. No one who saw my recipes ever returned to me to say “I love them!” ***cry***

I just realized I have these. Time to put them to good use…

So, yes, the hubby being away for a longer period presented problems to me. I decided to finally do my own cooking. I cut meat, cleaned fish all by myself (some took a lot of work), and found recipes online. Then I cooked my butt off, modifying recipes here and there. And guess what? I nailed my cooking! The kid loved my dishes! I surprised myself.

I have done…

Adobo:  manok (chicken), Tilapia, Tulingan, (mackerel tuna)baboy (pig)

Ginataan: manok, Tilapia, Tulingan

Chicken Tinola or Tinolang Manok

Paksiw na Bangus (Milkfish)

He also loves it when I whip up my special fried rice, which is not entirely original.

Next up: afritada, sinigang, pasta, and veggie dishes!!!

 

Those are what make my pandemic life still less horrible.  It is nice to bond with family and learn more skills along the way. I get to be a mom, a teacher, a vlogger, a chef. This pandemic is not showing any signs of finally ending anytime soon. Might as well try to get back to writing, read more books, and perfect my tokwa recipes.

I’m spending the rest of my 2020 wisely. How about you? How are you spending your 2020?

Hey, World, Guess We Hate 2020 #NanoPoblano2020 #My2020

Yes. It’s me. One year after.

My lone post back in February aside, the last time I posted was in November….LAST YEAR.  So, yes, I missed greeting you a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, even a Happy Valentine’s, and all those other greetings. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. But I’m back. Hopefully, for much longer. I know I always say that, but please know that I do mean it every time.

I was supposed to start posting last November 1, but November did not start right. A super typhoon hit the country hard. Then it was followed by several more typhoons. The last one just left a few days ago. They left parts of the country in shambles, so to speak. These are sad, sad days for the Philippines. Correction: It’s been a sad, sad year for us and most parts of the world. It was not only November that did not start right but Year 2020.

In all honesty, I wasn’t doing well long before 2020. There were personal struggles, most of which, I kept to myself. I’m used to dealing with personal struggles so I am able to handle things most times. Still, self-doubt is always something that can eat away your courage. 

Things got worse. My sister struggled with health problems for years. Every year, she’d be hospitalized. Last year, it started again around October. The worse part was she had to start going through dialysis. My brother-in-law and I kept consulting people and trying to decide the best thing to do. It seemed there was no other way but to start dialysis. And this naturally became another worry for me. It is really a longer story, but I don’t know if there is a need to say everything.

At the airport back in January 2015, the day after my wedding. My Ate was about to go back to Surigao. She went home to Laguna to see me get married. Her presence was very much needed — our parents had passed almost three years prior. She was my only family then. I wanted her here. Looking back now, I realize that was the last time that we were happy together. Her health got worse in the following months.

The good news is I was able to visit her in Surigao last February (went back home a few days after, which was already in March). The bad news is…she left us in May. She left me to join my parents. My family left ME. I am now orphaned by my whole family…So, I’m sorry, 2020, if I don’t like you. 

Alright. Year 2020 hasn’t been all bad. I did not lose my job, for one. I get to work from home, spend time with my new family, and be a teacher-mom. It’s actually hard work, believe me.

Well, I guess I should live through 2020 and the next year doing what I always do: I’ll wing it. As for you, I won’t ask how you’ve been (unless you want to volunteer information). I am pretty sure it hasn’t been that good to you either. I am also pretty sure you’ll do what I do.

Let’s wing it!

The Sandbox Show #WhatsupWednesday #NanoPoblano2019

Last October was my first YouTube anniversary. Actually, technically, it wasn’t. I’ve had the account for years. But last year, I decided it was time to do what I really wanted with it: I started vlogging.

One of my dreams was to create my own videos someday. But when I was younger, we didn’t have a camera. We probably could not afford one. Even if we could, it would be against my conscience to ask one from my parents who worked hard to raise us. If we had cellphones, they would not have had clear cameras anyway, if they came with cameras at all. Good thing that I had my chance in college where we created various video productions. And then, my first job was perfect — I wrote and produced institutional videos for a tertiary school.

But those were school- and job-related works. I wanted to create stuff for myself. I had always wanted to own a channel once I learned about people broadcasting on their own cable channels. I wanted to be the one to produce and decide what to do on my own show. But I didn’t have my own equipment and the family did not have cable…

Fast-forward to now and voila! Hello, YouTube!  It helps, too, that new technologies have made it easier for us. Now anyone can own a channel. Even a quirky wannabe like me.

Starting Out

My not-so-high-tech equipment does the trick. Of course, there’s still a lot to be desired. My detachable webcam takes vivid shots except if you move a lot, it creates a sort of visual echo. It can be quite tricky considering that I am a very animated person. I use Windows Photo Editor, which is helpful but is not as nice as other editors. In some of my posted videos, it is obvious whenever I jump from one part to another. They were the first ones I recorded.

I used the “Trim” feature to edit at the start. Luckily, I noticed sometime these last months that they have added a “Split” feature. Tried that and it proved to be sooo much better. It makes the work easier and the results less ‘jumpy’. Most times, the transitions are not even obvious. I could get a better (free) editor, but I am not sure if my laptop’s memory can handle it. Will get to that one day.

The jumps in my vids are more obvious when real-time, actual background music is recorded along with my talking. That is because in the first videos I made, I knowingly recorded while playing songs in the background. That was me being stupid, not realizing the consequences of my actions.

I sometimes get copyright claims when I post them (so I do add credits in the Description section). No strikes, though, especially since I am not earning anything from vlogging. YouTube influencer, I have no illusions of becoming. I have explained in one of my posts (“6 Reasons A Vlogger is Not Popular“). Unless the universe tells me otherwise. Until then…Anyway, I decided to ditch the real-time background music once I realized my problem. If you do encounter a newly posted vid that still noticeably jumps because of the music, that means the raw copy just recently got edited.

Honestly, in a span of one year, I have only posted eight videos on my channel. Life happens, in a good way or a bad way. Serious editing eats time. But since I am in no hurry to get famous, I figured I’d do things on my own time. If you’ve been watching vloggers long enough, you’ll know a lot of them get burnout trying to keep up with the demands of vlogging. So, no. I have enough pressures already at work and in my personal life, I’m not about to add more.

Yes, there are only eight posted videos. Still, there’s enough where they came from. I have lots of recorded copies to last me till next year, plus there’ll be new ones I have yet to make.  My upcoming New Year’s Resolution, however, does include being a more active YouTuber. Also, I’m putting (1) “Don’t buckle”, (2) “Pronounce words correctly”, (3) “Avoid grammatical errors”, and (3) “Don’t be conscious of the camera” on the list.

The Sandbox Show

The Sandbox Show is produced by The Sandbox Prodxns, a “self-owned one-woman company” that I created myself years ago (when I didn’t exactly know what to do with it). My account name has “akasands” in it, which actually means A.K.A Sands. Why it is there and what that means, I will reserve for another time. Unless you want to watch my long, boring, and awkward intro video. It’s explained there somewhere. At least, I added bloopers after, ha!

What can I say? I’m getting better at it. And I do like to play around with the editing to get my best results. I’m a visual person. I try to make my videos as entertaining as I can. Maybe I have only eight posts yet you can betcha I worked hard on every one of them. Practice makes almost-perfect.

Anyway, I have shared some videos in the past on this blog. Below are the two most recent ones I posted on YT, if you can call them recent:

Yakult vs Delight vs Go Long Probiotic Drinks It’s one of those reviews that I call “comparative mukbang”.

Next,…

The Arya Stark Gender Debate It’s the first and, so far, only Game of Thrones-related video I’ve posted. There are more to come. Here, I discuss an issue that people felt compelled to debate on even in this day and age. Disclaimer: I did say “It does not matter” whether Arya Stark was or was not.

This is my channel, by the way: THE SANDBOX SHOW.

March 2018/2019 & April 2017/2018/2019 RECAPS #MonthlyRecap

Last April was A to Z Challenge season once again! So happy for those who were able to participate. Meanwhile, I’m sad that I was not one of them. I wanted to join very badly, in fact, I already had a theme in mind. Thinking things through, I realized that with stuff that were (and are) going on in my life, I might not be able to participate much at all. Rather than disappoint myself further, I decided to skip it. I’m sad and relieved at the same time!

That said, on to business.

I have prepared a two-in-one monthly recap, the reason being that I should have done the March 2018 and 2019 recap last month. The draft stayed as draft for weeks. I’ve been having technical problems, honestly. Don’t get me started on how unfair I felt life was so let’s just do this!

RECAP!!!

Here’s the recap of my March 2018/2019 andApril 2017/2018/2019:

Blog-wise:

March 2018

Hash potatoes!!!

I just checked my list and I am honestly now annoyed…I only posted once last year!

All Hash-days — NONE!!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * t u m b l e w e e d * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

If there’s a ghost town, consider this a ghost blog. Pffft…

#AnythingDay (see Woe is Me )

I really should not be annoyed at myself, considering my circumstances. But it’s that initial emotional reaction, you know? I really am BUMMED big time. That’s not anymore initial, but you understand.

March 2019

#WhatsupWednesday (see For Real, This is a Test) – It’s really a more personal post that I maybe should not count, but it’s posted so…

#AnythingDay (see “Pagpapatawad” (Forgiveness) )

I was cooking up a #FeatureFriday idea, but the “research” required more time from me. It’s still coming, though.

April 2017

I did not care much about hash potatoes in April. My focus was on something else. I participated in the A to Z Challenge back in 2017. It was actually a very productive month. However, it is always the Holy Week days that throw me off. So 2017 was no exception. I was unable to finish on time. In fact, I still have not finished the whole alphabet! I did try in some other months.

First,…

#AnythingDay (see A show of support for blogging’s annual marathon and How to Apply as a Graphic Designer)

 

Now, below are my posts from back in April 2017. My theme: “Writing”. They are listed in descending order, from latest to oldest.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE…?

“TREACHERY”

SONGS AND SHORT STORIES

THE TRUTH IN YOUR MAKE-BELIEVE

LIFE AS THEY SAID IT

BEAST-MODE POETRY

ODE THINGS

WHAT’S IN A NOM?

AS LOVELY AS A TREE

I NOT STUPID (A REVIEW)

THE HAIKU

GRRRR-RAMMAR!!!

“WHICH FICTIONAL CHARACTER THAT YOU CREATED IS YOUR FAVORITE, AND WHY?”

MARK YOUR WORDS!

WHY DIALOGUE IS IMPORTANT

CONTENTS WITH ALL THE FEELS

“HOW DO YOU PERSONALLY DEAL WITH WRITER’S BLOCK?”

HOW TO SPELL THE ANCIENT FILIPINO WAY

I was almost proud except I was not able to finish 😦

April 2018

It wasn’t hard searching for last year’s post. They weren’t a lot.

(post-)#MondayMemoirs (see “I miss Perspective”)

#WhatsupWednesday (see Let Us All Rise! )

April 2019

This wasn’t hard either.

#ThursdayTips (see How to Make a (Boxed) Ninja Turtle Costume and 6 Reasons a Vlogger is Not Popular)

 

I will have to end this recap here. I will not promise anything except that I will try to be more active. That said, I just want to enjoy life, basically. Who doesn’t?

“PAGPAPATAWAD” (FORGIVENESS)

Since I posted my entry for a local writing competition (poems category) more than two years ago, “Tula ng Puso: Pananampalataya, Pag-ibig, Pag-asa” (Poems of the Heart: Faith, Love, Hope) has been one of my most-read posts. I know it has nothing to do with any writing talent I have. They’re most probably just either Googling for samples to get writing ideas, or looking for love poems for Valentine’s.

What most people don’t know is that two of those poems were very personal. Non-Filipinos didn’t even understand, for sure. The most personal was the third and this month, especially today, it holds a very special meaning in my heart. Every time March comes, I grieve twice.

It’s not the best poem out there, but it is my most heart-felt. I wasn’t just writing to win a contest (winning at that point seemed like wishful-thinking). I was trying to convey my grief and ask forgiveness, maybe even for understanding.

This is it below, with translations. I hope nothing is lost in translation (I tried my best, but don’t consider it the official English version).

PAGPAPATAWAD (FORGIVENESS)

 

Hindi ko alam.

(I do not know.)

 

Paano nga ba?

(Please tell me, how?)

paano magpatawad?

(how to forgive?)

paano magpatawad sa sarili

(how to forgive oneself)

sa pagkabigo bilang isang ina?

(for failing as a mother?)

 

Paano mawawaglit ang sakit na narito

(How can I lose this pain)

kung sa bawa’t araw, ang bawa’t araw

(if each and every day)

ay naglalaman ng iyong alaala, mahal ko?

(has memories of you, my love?)

kung ang bawa’t tibok ng puso ko

(if every beat of my heart)

ay nagsasabing sa iyo’y tuluyang naglaho?

(reminds that yours beat no more?)

 

Paano? (How?)

kung sa bawa’t “Kumusta?” ay “Mabuti” ang tugon ko

(if for each How-are-you, I say “I’m fine”)

gayong ang bawa’t tugon ay may halong kirot?

(yet each reply carries the pain with it?)

Sinungaling…

(Liar…)

 

Paano?

(How?)

 

…Siguro, may mga bagay na sadyang di natin masasagot.

(…Perhaps, there really are questions that will remain unanswered.)

 

Hindi ko alam.

(I do not know.)

Hindi lamang sa ngayon.

(Not for now)

 

Darating din ang araw na masasagot ko kung paano.

(Time will come that I will finally learn “How?”)

 

Umaasa pa rin ako.

(Yet I keep hoping.)

Isang araw ay babalik ka sa piling ko.

(Someday, you’ll come back to me.)

Hindi man ngayon. Maghihintay ako.

(Perhaps not for now. But I patiently wait.)

 

Hanggang mayakap kita, mahalikan kita, at masabing

(Until I can hold you in my arms, give you kisses, and say)

 

“Pinapatawad ko na ako.”

(“I now forgive Me.”)

 

Karapatang-Ari © J.Gi Federizo

Sinulat: Nobyembre 10, 2016

FOR REAL, THIS IS A TEST #WhatsupWednesday

I am trying to figure out why Facebook wouldn’t and still won’t let me directly share my own WP post on my own Facebook page. It doesn’t even allow me to just post the link instead. I have a feeling it’s a glitch caused by the much-bigger glitch Facebook experienced recently. But that’s just a hunch. It’s worse if I’m wrong.

So forgive me, this isn’t really a legit blog post. I am doing a test. If this works, then the problem is that particular post alone. If the same happens, then Facebook will have to explain to me why it says they are not letting me because someone reported my abusive posting or whatever it says in the notification or warning. It doesn’t even explain what it is I am supposedly abusing exactly. For goodness’ sake, I normally just share my own WP blog posts, not others’! Also, as you know, I hadn’t even been posting for weeks/months.

That really ticks me off! Imagine, I reported an ad for a product that has been misleading readers with the titles of their posts. I’ve been encountering it on Facebook several times and got duped into clicking. So what does Facebook tell me? That the ad I reported does not violate FB’s ad policies. MEANWHILE, I can’t even share my own post because of something I’m not even sure about??? The least they can do is give me a clue and just a first warning.

Do you guys get the irony in this???

 

***UPDATE (03-21-19):

They still won’t let me share on my FB page! I’m really mad and sad that the main reason I created that page is gone….So I just sent them a message that they will hopefully (and immediately) address:

“Recently, Facebook has not been allowing me to automatically share my WordPress blog posts here. My sharing setting on WordPress says I am connected to my FB account. I actually get a message that I am not allowed because someone reported that I have been abusive, of which and how, I have no knowledge. The least Facebook could do was to inform me immediately if I was getting a penalty and explain that penalty. At least, if I’m in the wrong, I’d be aware of it and can correct things. Facebook does not even allow me to share the link to my posts instead. What gives? I normally just post my own blog posts from WordPress, and I haven’t even been posting much for months! At least, let me know the problem, please.”