I’m ENTJ – Can We be Great Friends?

Hi, guys!!! I missed greeting you a HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY yesterday. But there, I just did, ha ha! Hope everyone did have a good day, whether with a special someone or on a date with her/himself. Many also call it INDEPENDENCE DAY. Doesn’t matter what you call it. As long as you love yourself, alright? I’ve said this before, you’re already whole. Finding him/her/them is just icing on the cake.

Speaking of loving yourself, it takes self-acceptance to do that. Accepting who you really are. Today, we have someone who has learned to accept herself. She is very glad to share what she is and explain her personality type. She is actually an expert on things like this.

In a recent post, I mentioned finding a new friend through social media. This is her….ENJOY READING!!!

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I’m assertive and confident. I’m your ENTJ friend who speaks openly without reserve. I may not be tactful sometimes, but I have your welfare in mind.

Why do people want to be friends with the Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judging (ENTJ) personality type? Why do people like having an ENTJ like me around?

If you want to be good friends with ENTJs, read on.

The ENTJ Approach to Friendship

There are certain roles people associate with ENTJs. He can be the baseball team captain. She can be the squad leader. No matter where we are, ENTJs are natural-born leaders. Because of this tendency, we can be a little intimidating. Well, very intimidating.

But the thing is, we get past your defenses through charm. We’re extroverted and we reach out to you. Even if you are the shyest person in the room, we make an effort to talk to you—especially if we have a serious motive behind it.

I can’t count the times that I took it upon myself to befriend the quietest, most withdrawn person in the room. Usually, I’m curious. A lot of times, I see a potential talent. My brain starts thinking, “Where does this person fit in terms of my goals or the team’s goals?”

From a certain perspective, this goal-oriented motive may seem cold. Why be my friend when, apparently, all I want to do is make good use of you?

It’s Not All that Bad!

ENTJs love opportunities. We can’t seem to pass one up. We see people as great resources of connection, skills, and abilities. We see the utility of these gifts.

Sometimes, you’re blinded by your own beauty and brilliance. ENTJs see it and we want to make you shine. We want to put you in the action plan. But before that, we need to sell it to you.

And here’s where our charm is put to use.

What an ENTJ Means by “Enjoy”

ENTJs like me work hard and play hard. Our lives are meaningless without hitting targets. If you think like an ENTJ, you will target any aspect of life.

Even during vacay, I also have targets. I like to keep things in line, I like to tick the boxes. Checklists are my friends.

This can be very annoying. Imagine, you try to relax and embrace the moment. Meanwhile, I go into full-on commander mode. (“The Commander” is the moniker the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator^® (MBTI^®) enthusiasts give to the ENTJ personality.) I am trying to hit the key targets while you’re there, chilling. Or trying to.

Irritating, right? Grates on your nerves!

Still, you know ENTJs are right. If not for us, you won’t get up your a** and beat the deadline. Or clean your room. Or complete your homework. Or wash the dishes.

In the vacay scenario, we’re the ones with the itinerary, knowing where all the essentials for the beach are. Plus the emergency meds, the phone chargers, the directions, and so on.

We’re nothing if not efficient. Yeah, we know (almost) where everything is, and we’re the ones in charge of packing.

You need people like us.

Sigh.

Want My Advice? Brace Yourself

Even if ENTJs tend to be tactless, we have your best interest in mind. Genuinely.

However, if you ask any ENTJ for advice, brace yourself. ENTJs do not tend to hold back when asked their opinions. This is especially true when you ask them the most stimulating question of all: “What do I do to achieve (insert a goal)?”

ENTJs are drawn to objectives like a magnet. When we see targets, we strategize how to meet them.

We will listen to your story and interpret it as this: “Oh, my friend is having trouble with (identifies issue).” This is followed by the thought, “What are the possible ways to solve this issue?” 

Because the ENTJ personality is a thinking-versus-feeling type, count on ENTJ friends to use logic more than empathy. We like to dish out sensible advice; the problem with the advice is it’s “too cold”, callous even.

My husband says I lack a compassionate understanding of situations. “So what if you don’t feel like it? Ignore your feelings, just push through the pain!” We’ve had so many marital spats because of that statement! (I married a Feeler, an INFP, in particular.)

Bottomline (oh, how we love that word): If it makes sense intellectually, then ENTJs don’t know what the fuss is all about. After all, the rest are just feelings. Get on with it.

How to Strengthen Your Friendship with an ENTJ

How do you nurture your friendship with an ENTJ? I’ll give you a few tips here to handle us.

As an ENTJ, I take myself seriously and what I need from others is some light-hearted relief. However, since I’m very goal-oriented, the objectives come first. DO NOT belittle my goals. If you diss them, you diss me.

As a leader, I need encouragement to pursue my self-made objectives or the team’s objectives. (Yeah, I guess you could say I’m a wee bit of a sadomasochist.)

It would mean a lot if you let me know that you support me, even if I don’t hit my goals. I fear failure and incompetence the most. And sometimes, I withdraw from friends and family when I believe I’ve failed.

When I do, I feel like a complete failure, a total loser. I feel unworthy of my existence, inept, pathetic, worthless…Oh, the mental agony. Oh, the hot gush of shame.

It’s during those low points that I cut myself off from your valuable support. If I know you have my back, if I know you still love me even if I’m a useless piece of sh*t (my perception, not yours), I will be more receptive to talking and getting support.

Don’t act too patronizing, though. A little patronizing would be enough. (It’s called encouragement, I reckon.)

Inspire us ENTJs to pursue our goals and the team’s goals. It’s gonna be good for you in the long run. **Wink!**

Lastly, for your mental health, never take what I say too personally. If you’re touchy about your achievements in life, I’ll grate your nerves.

ENTJs like me don’t mean to put you in a bad light or make you feel insecure. It’s just how we view the world. For me, everybody has scorecards and I can’t help but blurt out the points.

Suffice it to say, some friendships with ENTJs are burned because of our bluntness. My own weak point is my flawed inability to recognize feelings as valid reasons.

ENTJs magnify the importance of logic and undervalue the importance of emotions. That’s why we need Feeler people in our lives. For balance.

Best ENTJ Friend Matches

MBTI experts say our Best Friendship Matches are with the following personality types:

• ESFJ (“The Consul”) – Because we’re both extroverted, we get into a lot of fun (and trouble) together. Our problem is, when we’re together, we’re prone to overspending!

• ENFJ (“The Protagonist”) – We’re so cool together because you mellow me down. I wouldn’t know what to do if you didn’t tell me I was stepping on somebody’s toes.

• ESTJ (“The Executive”) – You keep me grounded with your laser-eyed focus on the practicalities. I can enjoy debates with you for hours! You don’t easily get offended.

Worst ENTJ Friend Matches

Now, what are the three Personality Types that Clash Most with ENTJs?

• INFP (“The Mediator”) – You are too quiet and too slow to react. You just won’t conclude. This drives me nuts!

• ISFP (“The Adventurer”) – You are also too quiet. As a homebody, you delve into feelings all day. That frankly bores me.

• ISTJ (“The Logistician”) – Your nitpicking ways drive me crazy! Yet you hesitate to talk about it. Please, open up.

So now, you know about me. Nice meeting you.

Wait a moment! You may be destined to be my best friend or my worse enemy due to our MBTI typology. But remember one thing: The MBTI is all about tendencies.

A lot of other things can result in great companionships…or not. Well, look at me. I’ve been married for 17 years to a person who’s supposed to be my worst match!

It’s a very interesting story, but we’ll get to that the next time.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

MELANY HEGER is a mom of two and a former psychologist. She’s a nonfiction writer based in Manila, specializing in mental health topics. She regularly contributes articles to online publications such as thephilippinesweb.com and danielaaron.com. One day soon, she will publish her books.