That Explains a Lot

So I’ve been on the warpath lately, shouting back at rude drivers, somehow daring line-cutters for a confrontation,  and giving a condescending, self-righteous fellow-customer who did not mind his own business a kind of talking to. I also kind of almost threw a fit when I ordered food for lunch and was delivered the wrong dish (good thing I only found out during lunch so I had time to compose myself and tell them of the mistake two days after). Basically, I am a walking time-bomb these days, in a sense, worsened by all the things I’ve been feeling physically for quite a while now. I’m not the sickly type, I have never been hospitalized save from when I was born, and the worst sick I ever got was when I got the measles…at 20.

So needless to say, this has been bothering me. Somewhere at the back of my mind, I suspected a more logical explanation, which I wasn’t sure I was ready for, a suspicion that everybody around me was quick to voice out with some excitement thrown in. What really bothered me more was the thought that what if we were all wrong?

I need not explain why I had to wait till this Saturday to find out, but I have to say that the result of my test actually made me smile, even if I still feel I may not be ready for it. It’s part of the plan, part of the territory as a married person, so I must be ready, whether I like it or not. I’m too old not to be ready. My now-husband had been waiting for it. So he was there with me when we waited for those two lines and, voila! It didn’t even take a minute to give us enough suspense 🙂

I was not able to talk to my intended OB last Saturday, but will schedule an appointment soon. Meanwhile, I’m getting an appointment with another near my work so that I can absolutely be certain how “positive” things really are. Hopefully, it’s not a false-positive ’cause not only would that be a disappointment, but that should worry me of my physical condition again.

home-pregnancy-test

Just got this from the net, but this is exactly the brand I bought

So, just want to say that I would like to apologize to anyone I’ve been mad at these past weeks and….Okay, I’m not really sorry about those drivers, line-cutters and that self-righteous customer. What I’m saying, though, is I’ll try not to lose my cool again. Not only is it not a good thing, it also won’t be good for the little one. Kindly be patient with me as well because these mood swings also come with the territory and I may not be able to control them at times. Sorry in advance. Just please pray for us because we may not be going through it smoothly.

HAPPY HEARTS’ MONTH AGAIN!!! This has been an extra special month for us, indeed.

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UPDATE (02/25/15): Went to a doc this afternoon and was told that if the PT said it’s positive, it’s positive — we’re pregnant. I mentioned about false-positives but she was rather sure it isn’t so, perhaps after hearing the physical hardships I’ve been going through. As for how many weeks it’s been, we can’t tell yet. Sadly, she said my card doesn’t cover the tests, and I do say it in plural because it’s not just going to be an ultrasound that I will need. She ticked down various tests I will need since this is the first time I’ve ever been pregnant. Therefore, I might have to postpone the tests a bit until maybe next week when we’ll have the moolah for those tests. That’s okay, though, because what I really just wanted was a confirmation.

People at work have said that the card does cover tests, so I’ll have to inquire from the card providers themselves to be sure. Will do that lunch-break tomorrow. Hopefully, they can at least cover some of those tests. Why, I even need to take the blood-type test. I said that back in high school, I was found to be Blood Type O, but back then, they still didn’t include the “+” or “-” for that (from what I know, there were only A/B +/-). She said they probably just didn’t test well, but I wanted to say, well, doc, maybe you were still just a baby so you didn’t know they didn’t include that back then (she seems kind of young). Oh, and she also prescribed three tablets I should take once a day — yuck. I’m not really a fan of taking meds, but since it’s needed, will have to follow…

Wow…this really changes everything in my life now. EVERYTHING.

“SMILES, WINKS AND GOOGLY EYES”

And because I have no time to post something new and I am about to start my work, I am reblogging this shortie. Hope you like it, mushiness and all.

The End Justifies the Journey

love does not discriminate When it’s there, you’ll just know…

He catches my eye in an instant.

From far across the room, he watches me with a steady gaze, nervous but steady. And I catch my breath. I can feel butterflies doing flip-flops in my stomach. Who would have thought that butterflies could flip-flop?

Still catching my breath as I return his gaze. My, he has come here today looking his best. He has all my attention, that most handsome man in the room. Somehow, I am nervous, but it is a somewhat warm, tingly, funny, nervous sensation running through my every nerve. Weird.

I enter the room ever-so-slowly, my legs trembling like jello with every step.Take it easy,I remind myself, he isn’t going anywhere.He doesn’t seem to at all, not when he smiles at me with that familiar happy and knowing smile.

It is the smile of the friend who…

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Love Love Love!

It’s the Love Month. And in keeping with our theme this month, let me share to you a few local love songs that I have found myself always singing over the years. Filipinos are really a sentimental lot. It is sad that the music industry has somewhat been suffering because they mostly record either just revivals now or just record their own versions of foreign ones.

That said, I would like to share our own brand of music, which may or may not be to your liking but please do check them out first. I have compiled songs here. Some are in English and some are in the local dialect, but don’t worry, translations are available. Do bear with some transcriptions. Meanwhile, you can sing along especially with the English ones.

I shared what only came to mind. Was just surprised that they’re all by bands save for the first one. Anyway, like I always say, ENJOY!

Everyday by Agot Isidro

 

Forevermore by SIDE A. This song is popular again because of a popular ongoing TV soap titled the same.

 

Alipin (“Slave”) by Shamrock

 

214 by Rivermaya

 

Huling El Bimbo (“Last El Bimbo”) by Eraserheads. Sad song, this one. Long extro instrumental, too. If you want, you can stop after the second set of “lala-lala-lala…” I like the whole of it, though. By the way, the actual name mentioned is Paraluman, not Paraluma, and refers to an actress of many yesteryears. “Paraluman” actually means “muse.”

 

Harana (“Serenade”) by Parokya ni Edgar, something to counter that last one. I really like this novelty band but surprisingly, they made this sweet song that has become my most fave from them. The vid is just them being their normal silly selves.

 

Farewell to the Girl with the Smiley Heart

It’s only been almost two years, but my love for this Smiley Girl never diminishes. Her family and friends, me included, miss her so much. But I smile still for the lovely memories. Thank you, Betchico, for those memories that we’ll keep forever in our hearts.

The End Justifies the Journey

“Hi, my dearest friend. Will undergo my 3rd open heart surgery tomorrow 7 am here, 8 pm there on Tuesday feb 5. Please pray for me, para maka-bakasyon pa ako d’yan at makapag-starbucks tayo.” (Please pray for me, so that I can still go on a vacation there and we can meet up at Starbucks“Love you and miss you my dear!”

My friend Betchico One of my dearest, best friends, Beth Garachico-Shockey, who lived a colorful, somewhat tumultuous, but fulfilling life. Image Copyright © Jerry Shockey

That was her last message for me. She is coming home for good, but we’ll never meet up at Starbucks and I’ll never have the chance to see her ever again. She with the beauty queen looks and wonderful smile. It was a shock the other day to find out that one of my best friends, Beth, has finally left us, never to…

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“WHERE WHITE CROWS DWELL”

When it comes to stating my views, I can be a very passionate person. You can get a glimpse of that once in a while from my Facebook account, if we’re buddies. But lately, I have been trying to not say anything. The ISIS executions, the Charlie Hebdo incident, and now, the Fallen 44.

I so have my opinions on them but I have refrained from saying anything because it is not going to solve anything. I do not anymore want to spread the negativity further. What we need is to pray to whoever is our personal god for peace.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO HATE RELIGIOUS HATE!

HATE ANY KIND OF BIGOTRY AND INTOLERANCE!

But let us SPREAD THE LOVE.

 

This is my first post for February. In observance of its significance, I am posting things in relation to love this month. I start with this poem I wrote maybe months or a year after  9/11:

WHERE WHITE CROWS DWELL

Where white crows dwell,

there, I shall dwell

with my humanity

faithful and true.

Sacred.

Cloaked in

Freedom.

Love.

Hope.

So take me, my friend

to the sanctuary of the free

to the land I know so well

in my mind, where white crows dwell.

Copyright © J.Gi Federizo

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EDIT: “Where White Crows Dwell” was first published in The Makata in November 2004, three years after it was written as a reaction to the 9/11 attacks and based on a local saying that literally translates to “When crows turn white; when herons turn black,” implying a pessimistic outlook. The poem, though, somehow reserves a more positive point of view – however hard it may seem, all things are possible.